Another Week Goes By . . .

Gosh, another week has gone by already!  Well the first week at the job was good.  The first day, I was worried that my new boss was going to be a raging bitch.  She gave me a bad impression.  But as the week wore on, I got to know her a little, and that bad impression wore off.  Whew!  I’m glad.

I’m also glad to say that they kept me busy and I also got my exercise walking around that GIGANTIC building!!  It’s a quarter mile from one end to the other.  I also took a walk outside around the building during my lunch hour.  The grounds are very pretty, lots of trees and grass and some marshy areas, and lots of birds, which of course I LOVE!

I’m still going to bed pretty much as soon as I get home.  I ran a few errands after work a couple of days.  WOW was I grateful for the short, short drive to and from work!!!  But working full-time is just dang tiring for me and I need a lot of rest.  I wake up pretty early and that’s fine, I like a long morning.

One thing I LOVE about the job is that I get to wear jeans and sneakers – YEAH!!!  I wear a nice top (well, not a t-shirt) but some people dress so casually that I’m shocked!!  T-shirts, hats, shorts…it’s like they’re going fishing or something!  Whatever, it’s nice not to have to dress up.  I still do my hair and makeup.  I have my standards.

I’m still looking for a Security job and I sent two leads to the Workforce Center.  They are “supposed” to be trying to get me an on-the-job training opportunity.  I don’t know if they’re doing shit or not but I hope they are.  I will look some more this weekend.  There’s very little for me to apply for with my teensy bit of experience, but I’m not giving up!  I can’t stay in Desktop Support!  The only thing that makes it tolerable is telling myself that it’s temporary.  Still, having a paycheck and money in the bank feels damned good.

My mood is steady and good, thank God!!  This time of year is so much easier than Fall and Winter.  I’m just so grateful for the beauty and the warmth and the long days!  It makes life ever so much easier!

Well, peeps, be in touch please!  I hope you’re all well.  Hugs & kisses, BPOF!

Happy Mother’s Day

Me And My Goddaughters

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers, godmothers, pet mothers, women who wanted to be mothers but it never happened (that would include me), and any others I may have missed.  I included this picture of me with my goddaughters from today because it’s so exciting to me to see a picture of myself that I don’t absolutely loathe!  Progress!  Yay!

I spent a lovely Mother’s Day with my family.  It was a happy day with no high drama, fortunately.  Sometimes we just luck out like that.

It’s been an eventful weekend with shopping for Mother’s Day, clothes shopping, laundry, shopping for groceries, preparing food for the week, and getting my head ready for a new job starting tomorrow.  Yessssss I finally finished the job with the hellaciously horrible commute, and am starting a job that’s about four miles from my house.  Of course, I’m nervous.

The terrible stomachaches that plagued me through my period of unemployment, then mysteriously disappeared, reappeared on Friday during the day at work, which was torture, and again in the middle of the night last night.  I guess it’s safe to say that they are stress-induced, and hopefully my stomach will settle down as I settle into the new job.

I’m still working on my weight loss, having lost 23 pounds so far, which feels GREAT and I am so much less self-conscious about my body now.  My cheap knockoff FitBit imitator has really been pleasing, in that I have recorded 3-4 miles per day just in walking from the bus to work, and then walking around work.  This new job is in a HUGE building and I was told I’d get my 10,000 steps in by 10am.  I hope to be moving around like a madwoman so that I can keep up the weight loss :).

I gave my landlord notice that I’m moving out of this shitbox on June 30.  If this new job extends my contract, I’ll be moving to a nicer apartment.  If I end up jobless on June 30, I’ll be moving in with Mom and Dad.  I hope to GOD it’s the former.  Of course, I will continue to look for a Security position.  I should have a lot more time and energy to do that now that I’m not spending 3-4 hours per day commuting.

All in all I’m feeling very positive about life and grateful for how things are going.  Even though I thought it would be holy hell working in Desktop Support again, it is only minor hell and some of it is even stimulating.  Crawling under desks pushing cables around is still hell though.  But all in all I am ok, my mood is good and I am grateful for life!

Hope you are all doing well and fighting the good fight!  Keep in touch and peach out!  BPOF ❤

Saturday, Beloved Saturday!

Oh my, how can I convey my joy at making it to another Saturday?!  It is so wonderful to sleep in, take my time drinking too much coffee, and laze around the apartment contemplating what I have to do today.  It’s not much that I have to do, mostly go to Target and the grocery store.  Now is not a good time (noonish) because everydamnone will be there.  So I have time to spare.

Well I got through my second-to-last week at the job with the horrible commute.  One more week left.  Hallelujah!!  Something new I did this week is I got a FitBit knockoff that only cost $25 so I could record all of my steps, and I found out that I’m walking about three miles a day!  That’s really good!  Between that and my spartan diet of just breakfast and lunch (I eat 3/4 of my lunch at lunchtime and the rest on my drive home from work) I lost another three pounds.  YAHOO!!  But man oh man am I dealing with some huge food cravings for junk!!  I am craving McDonald’s and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.  What I realized the last time I ate Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups is that eating some sugar makes me want more sugar.  So it’s best if I stay away from the sugar consumption.

I have always had a sweet tooth and I pretty much ate whatever I wanted without consequences until adulthood, which is when my weight started spiking.  I am super-duper tired of fighting my weight issues and I want to lose the weight for once and for all.  This means I will have to be diligent about not eating crap.  Fuck, I love crappy food.  There, I said it.  I love fried food, I love fast food, and I love sugary food.  But if I want to have a normal weight, I have to give these things up and just see food as fuel, and choose wisely.  It’s tough being the adult.  Dammit!

I do have to say, it’s wonderful not being so self-conscious about my weight like I was.  Twenty three pounds ago, my stomach was soooooooooo fat and I just hated being in my body.  Talk about body prison!!  Now, I don’t hate looking at myself in a mirror.  That is so nice.  I am grateful.

I am nervous about starting the new job in a week or so, because I think it’s going to be non-stop work, work, work with no breaks since they’re so understaffed.  I’m trying to stay in the moment and not think about it.  But it’s there in the back of my mind.  During the interview, one guy told me that he got in 10,000 steps by 10am just moving around the building.  So, that’s a huge positive.  I look forward to getting in major steps.  Other than that, I’ll have to hit the energy drinks big-time.  Sugar-free, of course.  🙂

Well, I guess I will venture off to Target.  Oh!  I forgot a piece of news.  I’m sure I’m not the only Bipolar person with a bankruptcy in her past.  I filed bankruptcy ten years ago after losing my house, one of the most painful experiences of my life.  Since then, I’ve done nothing to rebuild my credit.  I’ve always just had a debit card.  So, last week I applied for a credit card, and lo and behold, I got approved!!!  My credit limit is $300 – HAHAHA!!!  But I will make a small purchase every month and then pay it off, and I’ll slowly build up some positive credit history.  Isn’t that adult of me??  Yeah, it’s about time I do these adult-ish things . . . at 51!!  Anyways, I am encouraged by this little bit of progress.

Toodaloo for now, friends, and be in touch!  Love to you all!  Peach out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New Job! With NO Commute!!

Well I should just call this the Bipolar Job Blog because that’s basically all I write about anymore.  But job dilemmas continue to dominate my life.  So out of nowhere this week I got a call from a recruiter about a contract job in my town that pays $3 an hour more than I’m making now, and I said “Yes, please” after about ten seconds of thinking about it.  He sent my resume over and they said they wanted to interview me.  This was kind of tricky because I had to miss all of Monday getting a broken car window replaced (thanks, Safelite Auto Glass, for coming with the wrong window first thing in the morning and making me wait all day for the right one!).  Anyhoo, an interview was setup for Wednesday morning bright and early and I put on my favorite purple dress and my least favorite thing, tights, and went on over there, and I have to tell you, it doesn’t sound like the best situation.  They are horrendously understaffed, like, when I come on it will be three people supporting 1300 computers which is ridiculous.  But I weighed that against my terrible commute, and being tired ALL THE TIME, and I decided to go for it.  By the end of the day I had a job offer, and I said Yes!

It was hard giving my notice at the current job because they’re just so damn nice.  I did it yesterday, and my Supervisor said that the Contract job is going permanent in July, and I had a twang of “Am I doing the right thing?” but then I thought, I really don’t want to sign up for long-term Desktop Support, I want to keep pursuing the Security field.  And I don’t want to move closer to Denver and further away from my family, because my family ties are so strong.  So, I will work this short-term contract here in Longmont, and keep trying to get a Security internship or on-the-job training through the Workforce Center.  I let my landlord know that I will be staying in my apartment through the end of June (when this new job ends, unless they extend it) and if I’m jobless then I will move in with Mom and Dad and renew the search.  Having such an unsettled life is hard, but at least I’m working, and I’m grateful for that.

I’m also grateful for the weekend!!  And sleeping in!  And Spring!  And now I will get to enjoy it more, since I won’t be schlepping up and down the highway morning and night and just sleeping in between.  Also, totally unrelated, but I weighed myself this morning, and I have lost twenty pounds.  And I think it was all in my stomach!!  I don’t have the giant pregnant stomach any more!  Yay!!  I am super-grateful for that.  Using the LoseIt! app has helped me a lot to be aware of my caloric intake and exercise.

The final thing I have to say I’m grateful for is that I have been able to work this job like a totally normal person.  I haven’t had any erratic or jagged edges to my mood at work, and I come across as a nice, steady person.  Can you imagine that?!  I am really excited about that.  I hope this steady mood continues.  It makes me happy that I can do well on the job and be consistent.  What more could I ask for?

I hope you are all doing well.  I look forward to hearing from you in the Comments!  Peach out!

Yay! I Made It To Saturday!!

This week’s post is brought to your courtesy of Monster Energy drinks, the fuel that keeps me going during the week.  In fact, I am drinking an Ultra Violet Monster right now, just for the extra caffeine high.  I know these are basically chemical cocktails, but I DON’T CARE!!!  Monster is my Go Juice.

Needless to say, this job + commute is very tiring.  I have to do everything I can to keep up my energy.  I eat a very boring, high-protein lunch to try to energize me, and I don’t take the full hour of lunch because I start to get tired.  I have to keep moving to keep up my momentum.  I basically go and go and go and then I get home every night and crash.  Then I get up in the morning and do it all over again.  I have a little more than a month of this left and then I guess I’ll move in with Mom and Dad (GIANT SIGH) and my commute will be reduced by about twenty to twenty five minutes which is a big difference.

I don’t know how I’ll handle living with Mom and Dad, but I don’t feel like I can move closer to the job without knowing if this contract will be extended beyond July.  I’m liking the job a little more and I feel like I could do it for awhile.  The people are really nice and that goes a long way.  I don’t know what to do about my IT Security aspirations.  It seems like there’s a very small chance that the City of Longmont will help me get an internship or on-the-job training (I got funding for that through the local Workforce Center) because they have done nothing so far, but I’m going to keep pursuing it.  I think I need more experience in Security and this might be the way to go.  IF they’ll get off their asses and help me.

Yesterday was my Dad’s 85th birthday and it’s kind of a miracle that he’s made it to 85.  He’s been so close to death so many times but he just keeps coming back!  So today we are going to have a big celebration.  I got my Dad a birthday card that’s sure to make him cry, it’s so sappy.  He will love it.  No gift, because I’m saving my pennies.  He’ll understand.

I am practicing gratitude on the way to work every morning, and I can spend just about the entire 40 minute drive going through everything I’m grateful for.  That’s pretty good.  So I’d say my outlook on life is good.  Even though this job and commute is really hard on me, it’s also good for me.  My mood is steady and I come across as a totally normal person!!!  It beats the HELL out of not working.  My brain is happy being stimulated and busy and productive.  So, YAY!  Life is good.  I hope you’re all doing well, let me know how you are in the Comments.  You KNOW I love to hear from you!!!  Peach out and have a great weekend!!!

I Survived The Week!

Wow, what a week it has been!  I spent roughly three hours per day commuting to Downtown Denver every day last week to my new contracting job as a Deskside Analyst. I started the job with a terrible head cold.  I was blowing my nose constantly all week.  (I’m still not better).   What a total drag!!!  I was so exhausted at the end of every day, I was too tired to eat dinner.  I just went to bed.  Then it was back up at 4am to start all over again.  I don’t know how I did it, and I don’t know how I’m going to keep doing it.

The people at the job are very nice, which is a plus.  I got to find out just how rusty my Desktop Support skills are, which was not joyful.  Four years away from the field is a long time.  I’m worried about coming across as a doofus.  Anyhoo, I did my best.  I replaced between thirty and forty hard drives in laptops, reimaged them and encrypted them.  That’s the bulk of what I did.  I also did some setups of computers for new employees, which involved shlepping equipment around different floors of the building, and crawling under desks in my dress, reminding me exactly why I hated the field of Desktop Support so much.  It was a real downer and I don’t know what to tell myself about where I’m at, except this is where I’m at!  This was the only job I was offered and I had to take it.  It kind of sucks to be me right now but for some reason this is what life is offering me so I have to make the best of it.  I wish I knew why life has to be so difficult sometimes.

As usual, my paranoia kicked in, which always happens in jobs.  I get paranoid that I’m going to get fired.  So I was paranoid that I wasn’t making the grade, or that I didn’t fit in with the team well enough, and I thought that at any minute the boss was going to tell me to head home because it wasn’t working out.  Fortunately, that didn’t happen.

I am sooooo happy to be back to the weekend, home with my birds.  I slept a healthy twelve hours, and it was nice to wake up to daylight, instead of waking up in the dark.  I drank a ton of coffee, which I can’t do during the week because of my long commute (I can’t risk needing to pee in the middle of the commute).  I am going to have a long, lazy day, and at some point I will brave the always-crowded grocery store.  Other than that it’s just rest & relaxation.  Tomorrow I will go see Mom and Dad, as usual.

Mom wants me to move in with them, because it would shorten my commute.  One thing is for sure, when my lease is up on May 31, I’m not extending it.  But where I will go, I don’t know.  I think moving in with my parents would be the ultimate downer, I mean ULTIMATE!!!!  But this job is only guaranteed until July, so moving closer to it doesn’t necessarily make sense.  Plus, I don’t even want to do this job that long!!  But will I have to??  There are lots of unknowns.  But here is a known:  I get to talk to my parents about whether or not I should move in with them tomorrow.  That should be fun.

Oh, by the way, I didn’t get that job I was hoping for.  BIG DRAG!!  I got the fuck off letter this week.  Apparently they went with an internal candidate, my friend who works there tells me.  So I am stuck with this commute indefinitely.  Lord help me.

I hope you all had a great week, please let me know how you are in the Comments.  I love hearing from you!!  Peach out!

Getting Ready To Get Back To The Grind

On Monday I return to full-time work.  The commute will be a minimum of an hour and a half each way.  I am overwhelmed at the prospect.  I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I will.  Last week I had an interview for a different Desktop Support job that would be much closer, and it’s also a permanent job with benefits and paid time off.  I’m hoping that job comes through and saves me from having to do this one.  I’m trying not to hope too much because I’ve had my hopes dashed too many times over the last few months, and the crash is too painful.  So.  I’m just planning on this contract job with a long commute.  And I’m not excited.

I know I should be grateful that I got a job and in a way I am, I know I’ll be grateful when I get the paychecks for sure.  It’s just . . . why does life have to present me with such challenges?!?!  I know I’m not unique and everyone has challenges but fuck I’d like something a little easier frankly.  Like, just working full-time by itself is a challenge, why do we have to add in this godawful commute???  I know, I know, I’m the one who took the job, but it’s the only job that was offered to me.  And I really needed a job!  Soooo….fuckkkkkkk…..

Today I plan on cleaning the living hell out of my apartment, so I can start the week with a clean apartment.  Tomorrow I will do my laundry, and make something I can take for lunch all week, it’s vegetarian chickpea sandwich filling which I make into a wrap.  I like wraps.  Here’s the recipe in case you’re interested, it’s pretty good.

Well I hope to have a mid-week update for you that I got a different job . . . I may have a mid-week sob story, we’ll see.  I hope not.  Hope you’re all doing GREAT, please let me know how you are in the Comments!  Peach out!

I Got A Damn Job

I say “damn” job because a) It’s a Desktop Support job, and b) It’s a Contract job, and c) It’s wayyyyy far away in Downtown Denver so it will be about an hour and a half commute each way.  So it’s a mixed blessing.  I’ll be getting a paycheck (Yay!) but it’s going to be a rough, rough road until I can move closer in a couple of months when my lease is up here.

I still have another interview with another company for another Desktop Support job this week, this one is a fulltime permanent job, and it’s not as far away, so there’s still some hope that I won’t have to do the Downtown Denver job.  But I accepted that job, because a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush, as they say….

I’m not terribly excited about the job because it’s a Desktop Support job and because the commute is probably going to kill me.  But I had to take it.  I am too broke to refuse the offer of a job.  Something positive about the job is that the people I interviewed with were very nice.

The only other saving grace is that it’s Spring, and that is helping my mood.  And I have Summer to look forward to.  So that’s something.  I hope I can keep losing weight even when I start my job.  I will have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to exercise, but that’s ok.  Losing weight has been very life-enhancing for me and I want to keep it up.  I didn’t lose any weight this week, but my body seems to lose pounds every other week.  I just need to keep tracking what I eat with LoseIt! and exercising.

Oh, something else super-positive that happened this week:  My brother in North Carolina sent me a check for five hundred bucks!!!!!  My siblings rock.  It feels so good to be supported and loved and it REALLY feels good to have less than zero in my checking account.  I am grateful.

Whelp, that’s about all the news from around here . . . what’s new with you?  Peach out, BPOF!

Feeling Beat Up By Life

This fucking job search is going to be the end of me!!  First off, I had a third technical interview for the Security job that I really, really wanted.  I studied SO HARD for that fucker!!  I had notes all over my bed.  The interview went so-so I guess.  Annnd the next day I got the dreaded form letter stating that I didn’t get the job.

I also heard from another job I interviewed for, a stupid Desktop Support job, that I didn’t get that either.  Wave of relief, yet also a wave of “Oh my God WTF am I gonna DO?!?!”

It was really a pretty bad week, especially getting the news that I didn’t get the Security job.  I really felt like giving up, like fuck looking for a job, I’m just going to go live with my parents and be mentally ill and not do anything.  And I’m going to drink and smoke and get high and not do anything.  Those were my initial thoughts.  Then I flung my phone across the apartment in a fit of rage, and damned if that case lived up to its reputation, and the phone didn’t even get a crack!

I fought all my negative impulses, the strongest one being to go get drunk, and walked my ass to therapy.  Whereupon I mostly sat there saying nothing.  My therapist is not that skilled (she’s like a therapist-in-training) so there was a lot of silence.  She tried to get me to say some positive shit I was going to do, but all I could think of was “I’m going to go home and lay on my bed.”  That was my life plan to deal with the major disappointment.  That’s as far as I got.

I walked home and crawled into bed and then this annoying recruiter started calling me.  I made the mistake of answering, and he persuaded me to apply for his crappy Desktop Support job, and Presto!  I was back on the horse.  So then I went and found another Desktop Support job that I thought I should apply for, and applied for it.  And then it was back to bed for some serious Twittering and Video Poker playing (no money involved).

So, here it is Sunday and I’m still majorly demoralized and discouraged.  I am back to the job search but I have absolutely ZERO faith that anything is going to work out for me.  I’m just going through the motions because that’s what a jobless person does.  I felt like that Security job was my last good hope at not having to take a Desktop Support job.  Yet I haven’t even gotten an offer of a Desktop Support job!  So where does that leave me?  Feeling pretty hopeless.

Part of me wants to apologize for such a draggy blog, but dammit this is my blog, my life, and it’s 100% real.  This is Bipolar, this is a Bipolar person searching for a job after being away from work due to disability, this is the reality of how hard it is.  So, no apologies.

I hope you are doing 100% better than me, I’d love to hear from you.  Please don’t feel like you have to cheer me up, the reality is that life just sucks sometimes.  Peaches!

I Haven’t Gone To Crazy Town Yet But I’m On The Outskirts

Well, fuck a duck.  What a week.  Four interviews and no results.  Lots of time spent waiting for the phone to ring, and obsessive checking of the email.  Feeling all kinds of kookoo.  This was my week.  To break it down:

I had my FOURTH interview with a freight company that I really don’t want to work for, it’s a Desktop Support job where I’d be supporting an entire office and would be on-call once every four weeks.  It sounds really overwhelming.  Nevertheless, I keep going to the damn interviews and acting like I want the job.  They seemed like they were in a HUGE hurry to hire someone, with one interview after the other, yet my last interview was on Monday, and I haven’t heard a peep from them.  This makes me think they don’t want me, which is probably a good thing, yet it’s a blow to my big fat ego.  BUT if they don’t want me, why not let me know?????  What the fucking fuck, I say!!!

The next interview was Tuesday morning at 7am (!!!) over Zoom, which is like Skype, for a Security job, and it went really well.  I know it went really well because the interviewer told me it did.  So the next step was a written test.  They sent me the written test, which was a fucking nightmare.  Just a bunch of Linux logs and a set of questions about them.  Guess who doesn’t know fucking Linux from a hole in the wall???  So I got on the Google and winged it.  Pretty sure I bombed the fuck out of that test.  Sent it back, haven’t heard a peep.  Again, if I’m no longer a candidate, why in the holy hell couldn’t they just let me know????????????  I REALLY REALLY REALLY want the job, it would save me from having to take a Desktop Support job, and it’s a really good company.  So I’m highly invested, and not getting any answer is KILLING ME!!!

The third interview was Tuesday afternoon, a PANEL INTERVIEW on Zoom, for a Desktop Support job at the local University.  If I had to take a Desktop Support job, this would be the one to take (if I had a choice).  The pay is shit, but they offer three weeks of time off per year, and nine hours of free classes per year.  Plus, I would be assigned certain departments to support, which means I would get to know the people and their applications and would get very good at supporting them.  I should hear next week if I get a second interview.

The fourth interview was on Wednesday, it was at a manufacturing plant and it stunk – literally!  This would be another situation where I would support the entire office on my own (Desktop Support), and in this situation I would be on-call 24/7/365 which is pretty much total bullshit.  The interview went very well though, and I should hear something next week.  But once again, I desperately don’t want to have to take it.

So that was my week, with a few stomachaches peppered in (not as many as last week), and absolutely no exercise (boo).  My stress level has been through the roof and I certainly would have benefited from exercise, but instead I spent a lot of time laying on my bed reading Twitter and obsessively checking my email.  NOT the most functional week.  I did go to Mom and Dad’s yesterday and worked my ass off as the maid, thereby frying my back.  I came home and laid on my industrial-strength ice pack (it’s HUGE!) for over an hour.

This morning I woke up early (it was still dark) to an owl calling to another owl.  It was so peaceful and beautiful!  I am grateful for the little things, like owls.  And having a home, however humble.  And my singing birds.

Hopefully next week I will have some good news to share.  Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend!!!  Love, BPOF

…And More Interviews

Yesterday I had my fourth interview for a Desktop Support job that I desperately do NOT want, yet I am giving it my best shot anyway because I desperately need a job.  What a fucking quandary!!  Today at 7am I had a Zoom (like Skype) interview for a Security job that I desperately WANT!!!  The interviewer told me that I did very well and that the next step would be a written test, which I would have 24 hours to complete.  Well, I have been watching my Gmail like a hawk and the damn test has not materialized!!  And I’m praying to GOD and BUDDHA and WHOEVER ELSE EXISTS OUT THERE that I can do well on this written test and get this job because GOD SAVE ME FROM HAVING TO GET A DESKTOP SUPPORT JOB!!!!!

And then this afternoon I have ANOTHER Zoom interview for another Desktop Support job, and then tomorrow morning I have yet another interview for yet ANOTHER Desktop Support job.  I JUST WANT A SECURITY JOB, PEOPLE!!!!!!  IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!  We will find out soon enough I guess.  I am going to be soooooooooooooo disappointed if I don’t get this Security job!!!!  I think I need to work on some emotional balance here.  Because I have none.

I know my blog has devolved to a blog about job searching and I’m sorry.  This is my life right now.  Hopefully soon I will have more interesting things to say, like I’m spending too much money or something.  Wouldn’t that be nice??

Hope you’re all having a good week so far….peach out!

More Pain And Interviews Galore!

My, what a week it has been!  First off, let me say PRAISE THE LAWD that we are Springing Forward tonight!!!!!  I am such a light-dependent soul and having those long evenings just does me so much good!  So YEAH!!!!!  And now for some tidbits from my week . . .

I do firmly believe that I have a large rock lodged in my stomach.  The ultrasound said otherwise, in fact, the ultrasound said everything is normal.  Well, fuck the ultrasound because my stomach is still KILLING ME DEAD and I can barely eat and I’ve lost another three pounds because of it (yay) but no yay on the goddamn pain!  I almost missed one of my many interviews of the week due to being in pain, but it subsided just in time for me to answer the phone.  Tylenol in large doses seems to be the only thing that helps.  The doctor prescribed an Advil horse pill (800 mg) which HURTS MY STOMACH.  Are you seeing a theme here?

It’s hard to say how many interviews I have had in the last week.  For one job, a Desktop Support job that I really don’t want, the company is rated shit in Glassdoor, I’ve had three, and I have a fourth this coming Monday.  For another Desktop Support job that I might tolerate because it is close to me and I think it would be easier, I had one phone interview, and I’ll have an in-person interview next week.  I had a phone interview for a Security job (YAYYYYYY) this week and I’ll have a second, longer phone interview next week.  THAT job I am really interested in because I think it might be a work at home job which would be a DREAM!!!!!  Then there’s a fourth interview coming up for a Technical Support job for a Security company but that woman can’t get her shit together and get it scheduled.  So we’ll see.  I am hoping and praying and praying and hoping for the Security job.  If I have to take a Desktop Support job I’m going to be very upset.

The weather was beautiful this week, but I didn’t get to enjoy it because I was mostly laying on my bed holding my stomach.  Or taking a nap because I was up all night with a stomachache.  I have another doctor’s appointment on Wednesday but I might go to Urgent Care today.  I’m very worried that this damn stomach will make me miss an interview.

Somehow, my mood has help up through all this pain.  How?  I do not know.  I guess I’m on the right drugs.  I sincerely hope that you all had a better week than I did.  Please let me know, don’t be shy.  Just fill out that little Comment field below.  Have a GREAT weekend!!!  Peach out.

A Painful Week

This week, my body started attacking me with severe abdominal pain, seemingly out of nowhere.  It actually happened once the week before, at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was just an anomaly.  But this week it began occurring with some regularity.  It was happening after eating a meal, and I was also consistently getting woken up at 4am with severe pain.  So, I went to the health clinic and they said it’s probably my gallbladder, and I need an ultrasound to diagnose it.  In the meantime, I have to eat an extremely low-fat diet.  The ultrasound is this coming Tuesday.  I have lost my appetite and severely cut down my food consumption, so when I got on the scale today I had lost three pounds, YAY!  The happy side of extreme abdominal pain.  Nevertheless, I am worried that they won’t find anything with the ultrasound, and I’ll just be left hanging with this extreme (EXTREME!) pain.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Being in this much pain really took it out of me this week, I actually had to take naps, which I never do, and I only exercised one time this week.  I didn’t do as much on my job search as I usually do.  I had two phone interviews, one for a Security job and one for a Desktop Support job.  The Security job requires a Top Secret clearance, which I don’t think I’d be able to get, with a foreclosure, bankruptcy, and mental illness in my history.  Plus, I would have to wait months to start the job while they secured the clearance.  The Desktop Support job sounds promising, but when I looked up the company on Glassdoor the reviews were total shit.  However, I am desperate for a job so I don’t know how choosy I can be at this point.  I did get another email for another phone interview on Friday, hopefully I will have that one on Monday.  That job is closer and hopefully it’s a better company, I need to look it up.

My mood crashed to about as low as it could go when my rent got withdrawn from my bank account and I was left with $300.  THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!  The good news is that I didn’t go into suicidal ideation, because I’ve made a firm decision that that is not an option for me.  The other good news is that my very generous sister gave me $400 to take the pressure off.  Now I have enough to pay the monthly bills.  I will have to get a loan from Mom & Dad to pay April’s rent, but I’m getting ahead of myself.  It’s only March 3rd.  THANK GOD for family support!!!!  Still it feels like shit not to be self-supporting, and I want to get a job as soon as possible.  I think that’s probably obvious :).

Happy Things:  We have been having some beautiful, Spring like days which I looooooooove.  Also, we are one weekend away from Springing Forward!!!  I have been taking my two 13 year old goddaughters to work out on Saturdays and that time with them is golden.  All very happy things to be grateful for.  Also through all of my personal turmoil, I have remained a non-smoker.  This is a happy thing too.  And in total I have lost nine pounds so far, so my big fat pregnant-looking tummy is slowly shrinking, thank you JEEBUS!!!  That is a relief.  I am very self-conscious about my weight and it is a relief to be losing weight.

Well this is a long-ass blog so I think I will bring it to a close.  I hope you all had a good week.  Let me know how you are in the Comments!  Peaches and Love to you!

23 Days Until SPRING!

crocuses in snow

The weather has not been a joy around here.  It’s been cold and snowy, with no way to get out and walk, which is my preferred way of exercising.  I push myself to go to the gym, but I haven’t gone every day like I’d like to.  So I was SO EXCITED to see a Facebook Memory post I had made that said that it’s only 23 days until Spring!  Granted, a certain date won’t mean that we won’t have any more snow, but we will see signs of Spring, such as these beautiful crocuses, trees budding, and warmer days.  And I will be able to get out more and walk.  The days will get longer, the clocks will spring forward, and my mood will slowly rise.  I will wake up to birdsong in the morning.  These are simple joys that I truly miss in the Winter.

For this Bipolar gal, my optimal seasons are Spring and Summer, so I am looking forward to days where everything isn’t such a damn struggle, where I spring out of bed, where I can go outside on my porch in my pj’s with my coffee and experience the morning in all its glory.  I can’t wait!

Two Bipolar Chicks Accused Me Of Hacking Them And That’s Not Cool

Talk about shit coming out of nowhere!  This morning I was on Twitter and I was literally being spammed by Two Bipolar Chicks with some ad about every five tweets so I muted them.  I have no relationship with Two Bipolar Chicks and couldn’t give two shits about them – I don’t know them and I literally have no opinion about them.  So then this afternoon, I get a tweet that says “#WARNING & #RETWEET I am 99% sure @Bipolaronfire was the Twitter handle that hacked me.  DO NOT click on anything they send you!!! #Hacking”  WELL, Two Bipolar Chicks, I can assure you, I did not SEND you ANYDAMNTHING and I sure as hell did not hack you!!!  I don’t know your level of technical skills, but I do know MINE, which are high, and I damn sure didn’t do anything to sabotage your Twitter account!  Throwing out accusations like that are not only lame, they are defamatory, and I won’t accept it!  I would NEVER try to sabotage someone’s Twitter account, their website, their email, or anything else.  I am totally insulted by this accusation and I demand an apology.

UPDATE:  @2BipolarChicks has apologized to me on Twitter.  I don’t know if they deleted the offending tweet but I am o.k. with an apology, actually I think it was good of them to apologize.  So yay!