My Precious Child Within has a Question For Your Monkey (you know, the one you spank?)

spankbarebottom

One of my favorite co-workers, Biff, from my last job, has been fired (names have been changed to protect both the innocent AND the guilty).  Biff was such a neat guy.  Awesome, really.  Kind.  Considerate.  The first to offer to help another.  Would rather die than break a rule.  You set out a process, and he will follow it.  Kind as the day is long.  Reliable.  Oh, just such a nice guy.  Sole supporter of a wife and two kids.  Biff is the salt of the earth.

The thing we all loved about Biff was when we could get him to step outside of himself.  And get him to be Funny Biff.  And then he was So FUNNY.  And most of his stories would end with the saying “Well, slap my ass!!  Which leads me to my story.  It’s about spanking bare bottoms.  Biff’s phrase always reminded me of it.

In the photo above I think Mom might have come through on her threat to “spank my bare bottom!” It was mostly an idle threat but man when she did go through with it she was like Greased Lightning! Sling! Pants down.  Ting! Slap Slap Slap.  Whing!  Pants back up.  Andddd it’s over, Ladiesss and Gentlemen!  “Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”  ahhhh the Betrayal!  But mostly, she saved it for our Father.  Who would come home.  And get out his Fraternity Paddle.  Oh yes.  Black.  It would thwack.

Does this have anything to do with my rough sex proclivities?

Sorry.

I had to ask!!!

I will ALWAYS go there!!!

Back to Biff’s story.

Well, Laydee the boss gets a bee in her bonnet about something.  Who knows what.  She decided she didn’t like the job Biff was doing.  So she tore him a new asshole, regular-like, which just destroyed Biff, who is nothing but good intentions, paving the road to hell.  And then she fired Biff.  I’m sure she’s sitting in her big giant house feeling satisfied now.  What will happen to Biff?  And his wife?  And two kids?  Will they be Homeless for the Holidays?

Laydee, I don’t know any of the psychology of what you’ve been through.  I don’t know the details.  I don’t have a judgment.  But I DO know the people you’ve hurt.  I am one of them.  You are creating a lot of bad karma for yourself.  A LOT!!!  You need to look at whatever is eating your lunch and deal with it.  You are stepping on the toes of your fellows, and we shall retaliate, given even the slightest chance!!  We have been wronged!!  We are hurt!!  We are licking large craters of wounds.  Watch it.  Not a threat.  Reality.  Real-world.  It is what it is.  Puke. I hate that phrase more than life itself.  Laydee loves it.  And there ya go.

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