…and Good Evening.

Good EveningIt’s been a rough day emotionally.  I had therapy today and it never ceases to amaze me how I can bop in there full of reports about how my life is just going swimmingly, only to have these shadows rise from the depth of me and engulf me with their sadness and grief.  Ahh yes, THIS is why I am in therapy!  THIS is why I struggle.  THIS is why I want to drink to numb myself out of existence!  Just for tonight, (stopping for a sob or two) I am committing to NOT drink, but rather to feel, whatever needs to be felt.  To walk through whatever needs to be walked through.  To be there for myself, and be 100% authentic in the sadness and grief as it washes over me.  Wash over and through me, let my tears cleanse me, and then be done for now.

16 thoughts on “…and Good Evening.

  1. Therapy is a painful process, it makes us dig deep and won’t let us hide behind our smiles. It sounds like you have a good therapist if he/she doesn’t let you hide behind a smile! Stay strong!

  2. Thank you for your comment 😀 This IS a good therapist! She employs the stealth technique of being quiet, she is like a NINJA at quiet…and *poof* on come the tears. It’s a good thing.

  3. I feel your pain and will keep you in my prayers during your awesome journey! Keep up the positive attitude, it is that which will draw others near to you for comfort when they are in need!

  4. Therapy is the worst that way. It’s like going to the gym weightlifting. You go in pepped up, then it’s brutal, leave in pain and then find months and years later that you’re stronger.

  5. I have had many therapists, and only one did any good. Well, I say good, but she did things… like make me recall memories that looking back now, I wish she lad left deep in the moldy depths of my brain.

      • I discovered according to my therapist that my fear of sex and fucked up like for the sex im afraid of is due to my body considering it to have been raped over and over and over when I was 2-3 years old with a diseased bladder which led to more than a year of getting held down by dr’s and them putting a catheter in me almost every week. Yeah, I could have gone my whole life without the image…. but i guess having answers was good. but it made me hurt in new ways.

  6. That is so sad and so painful to think of a little girl going through that. What a huge responsibility to take care of yourself and that hidden pain that needs healing. I hope for your healing, health and happiness. I hope for your peace.

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