I Dream of ECT

I went to see a new psychiatrist yesterday.  I failed miserably in my effort not to cry throughout the appointment.  DAMMIT!  Why can’t I ever control my tears???  I wish I could turn off the damn spigot!  I am a baby.  Anyways, the psych seems like a good guy.  He actually takes THREE APPOINTMENTS to diagnose, so I have one down and two to go before I get his grand pronouncement on what the fuck my problem is.  I swear to GOD I am so down on the depression and so sick of it and so sick of crying and so sick of struggling, I’m ready to request ECT!!  I’ve never had it before but I’ve heard that zapping the fuck out of your brains can help when nothing else does.  I will wait and see what he says.  I personally think I have bipolar, ADD and depression.  The Trifecta of mental illness, I know, I’m just fancy like that.  I guess depression might be included in the bipolar diagnosis, but I hear/read of some bipolars who don’t deal with too much depression, so what the fuck do I know.  Anyways this is a long ramble of a post so I thank you for coming along, at the end you get a cookie.  Ok just kidding but if I could I would hand out cookies for reading this sucker.  Well I guess I will go back to doing a whole lotta nothin’.  Peace out homies.  Or, as I like to say, “Peach out.”  PEACHES!

17 thoughts on “I Dream of ECT

  1. Good luck with the new pdoc. I always get nervous and choked up in those. It’s not therapy if someone doesn’t walk away crying and it’s usually not the doc.

  2. I’m Bipolar and don’t often go manic. Everyone’s different and a lot of illnesses have very similar symptoms, so you could just have one. Don’t stress, they’ll figure out what it was. The more honest you are with them about your symptoms, the easier it will be. 🙂 Stay strong, dude!

  3. I’m bipolar 2, so depression/anxiety is my primary axis. I’ve been lucky to avoid ect so far, and hate hate hate crying, but have come to accept its cathartic nature– and to believe that as long as I can control where I do it– in the car alone, in the shrink’s office when I am admitting something I don’t want to think about, in my bedroom where no one can see me– and not burst into tears the rest of the time, then really, I’m doing ok and everyone else can just go to hell with their opinions of whether I have too many feelings. Good luck.

  4. Don’t panic or feel silly about crying. I can’t talk about my struggles without bursting out into tears, and I’ve cried in front of doctors, mental health advisors, and at least three members of staff at my University. One time I only got as far as “Hi, how are you?” “Not good” before bursting into tears. It’s okay to cry, and they’ve seen it all before. So please don’t be embarrassed or stressed about it! And stay strong.

  5. Hey – so happy to hear you might consider ECT. It has saved my life when nothing else worked. I, too, have deep depression and ADHD, and am bipolar. Bipolar disorder is often co-morbid, so suffering from the “Trifecta of mental illness”, sadly, is not uncommon. It is my experience that ECT will not be useful for “situational depression” but if your sadness is one of your “poles”, it could be incredibly helpful. Did you get a chance to read my post describing my experience with ECT? I hope you will contact me if I can answer any questions you have because I know it would have been really helpful for me to have had someone with ECT experience to talk to prior to trying it. But I don’t actually know anyone who has gone through it and the anticipation of the unknown was really the scariest part.

    I wish you such comfort. I’d wish you luck, but luck has nothing to do with finding happiness. Cookies, however, have been known to make people very happy……

    • Ohhhhh thank you for your comment!!! I will look for your ECT post! I may have read it before but it wasn’t in this context if so, so I’ll go read it again. I brought it up with the doctor today, I’ll see what he says this Friday when he tells me what he thinks of my grand case of kookoo. I have been more depressed than not for so long, I forget what it’s like to feel good. I think I need a little zap.

  6. ETC has saved my life. I had it late last year and have been close to stable ever since. It has worked wonders for me. I hope you get to have if that’s what you and doctor decide on.

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