I seem to be continuing to struggle with acceptance. I have an aversion to what IS. I seem to prefer to flit off to never-never land and live in What I Would Like, What Might Be, What Could Be, or What Should Be. I believe this may be impairing my ability to live in the NOW. The Now is also equivalent to what IS. Hmmm I am having a moment. Here are some of the things that I am not accepting or acknowledging: I do not accept snow in April. I think it should be beautiful Spring weather. I am pissed at the weather. I do not accept that I have to have my taxes done in five days. I so don’t accept it, that I haven’t done a thing. And, I have not one tax return to do, but two! This year’s, and last year’s. I do not accept that there is not a pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. I live in a fantasy land that at any moment, I am going to win the lottery or that I will come into some other form of cash windfall that will save me from my current situation, which is a job I don’t like, and a lifestyle that I am having a hard time affording.
I don’t accept, I don’t accept, I don’t accept……..it’s hard to change my life when I’m so busy not accepting all this shit. I was thinking last night, maybe I need to get a life plan. Maybe I need to go over my finances, and get a budget. Maybe I need to see what’s going in, what’s going out, and what can be set aside. Ya see how these thoughts sneak in? I know! I don’t know where they come from. Some wise ancestor is whispering to me…Listen! Maybe you can make things better. Taking a look at my finances would be an act of acceptance.
Today I will toy with the idea of acceptance. What the hell. I know what the lack of acceptance is getting me . . . a whole lotta struggle, and a whole lotta nothin’. I’ll report back.