Oh Goodie, Therapy!

Well I had therapy  today.  I’ve been seeing this therapist since the beginning of December.  I’m thinking it’s about damn time I stopped crying.  That’s what I think.  It’s not what I do.  I pretty much walk in there, sit down, and start crying.  She doesn’t even get to say “How are you?”.  Sorry Dr. Awesome.

Today’s tears came courtesy of some shitty-ass quiz I took online called “Are you bipolar?” and it asked all sorts of questions like “Do you have mystical experiences” and “Do you find yourself singing?” and “Do you see synchronicities?”, all kinds of shit like that.  Basically, things that I really treasure in myself and in life, this quiz was chalking it all up to the disease of bipolar.  It really kind of devastated me!  Well I talked it over with Dr. Awesome and she called major bullshit on that fucking quiz.  THAT made me feel better!

I’ve really had a lot of shit rattling around in my head, like, am I delusional when it comes to money?  I want to believe that something will happen that will relieve me of the need to work.  I just can’t stomach the idea of doing the same shit for another twenty years!  So, I make up stories in my head about how my circumstances might dramatically change.  Dr. Awesome says that she thinks a lot of people do this, and that my circumstances might in fact actually improve, so this isn’t a total load of crap.  I don’t know.  The truth is in there somewhere!

I forgot to talk about my newly minted stress-surfing theory, oh well.  Dang!  I wish I could hire Dr. Awesome just to have some interesting conversations with.  I like to analyze the fuck out of everything.  She could help.

Well that’s about all the news that’s not fit to print, I guess I will wrap up the Bipolar On Fire news hour with a firm PEACH OUT and WORD TO YER MAMA!

20 thoughts on “Oh Goodie, Therapy!

  1. Be thankful for Dr. Awesome. I have a lot of friends that tell a lot of stories about the awful therapists they have. The first therapist I had when I moved to this area was Dr. Terrible. I always left there more as a basket case than when I walked in the door. I finally fired him and I’m thankful for the one I have now.

    • I am SO thankful for Dr. Awesome!!!!! I’m so sorry to hear about Dr. Terrible!! No one should have to go through that. I’m glad you have your own Dr. Awesome now.

  2. I really appreciate your comments about the quiz you took. After both of my major manic episodes, I felt extremely frustrated with how my experiences with synchronicities and spirituality were being used against me as ‘symptoms’ that doctors would check off a list. It is baffling to me that we see these experiences so frequently with mania that they have actually become ‘symptoms’ and yet no one is actually asking – perhaps all of these people are onto something here. Why do these experiences have to be immediately discounted as delusions?

    • I KNOW!!!!!!!!! I was telling my doctor this!!!!! What if in fifty years we see this as barbaric that we medicated the mystics of our generation??? Medicated it right out of them??? FUCK that!!! DAMN! THAT can’t be the point!!

  3. Always glad to hear someone having a great relationship with their therapist. I’ve not pursued it here myself, as I have had negative experiences in therapy since childhood (my (step)father has AIDS, so lots of family therapy sessions). When I was a kid, I had to deal with a lot of condescending surprise at the fact I was intelligent and philosophical. The therapist I saw when in the Air Force, while a top-flight bloke? I totally ended up being HIS therapist. I don’t find sitting and crying over mommy issues cathartic in the slightest, so I keep on the course of self-applied CBT that I’ve been doing to myself since I was a teen in the late 90s.

      • There’s a web program being trailed here that I’m pretty excited about, though:
        http://www.erponline.co.uk/

        I will likely ask my psychiatrist what he thinks. I’m pretty sure I can call the mixed episode-to-depression that I’ve been going through lately a relapse!

      • I saw it in the news a couple of times, most recently over the weekend. The only problem is going to be remembering when the frack my episodes were — I was a vicious ultradian rapid cycler before my diagnosis; the Seroquel has quashed that part, at least. So I can clearly point to my episodes since getting diagnosed, but not so well before. I’ve only had my diagnosis officially for a year and change, and I wasn’t tracking things so well before that.

      • Yeah it’s hard for me to put a finger on when i’ve been well and when I was in the soup, so to say. Mostly I’ve been in the shits. Or is that the disease talking? When I’m depressed, I think I’m depressed, I’ve always been depressed, I’m always gonna be depressed. No perspective.

  4. I love the name Dr Awesome. Fits perfectly, wish I had thought of that name. I think you need to take ALL internet quizzes with a grain of salt, or better yet, don’t even look at those shitty things at all.

  5. Don’t let anyone put you down because of your spiritual experiences. I have had several which were when I was doing well, not manic and not depressed. They have come in the form of psychic dreams which were so detailed that it would be impossible to chalk it up to coincidence. I have also experienced sychronicity as well. Remember the great psychiatrist Carl Jung put the word sychronicity on the map! I love his theories because he included the spiritual element. His own mentor, Freud, abandoned him, but it makes a whole lot more sense to say that we are psychologically multi-dimensional people and there is more to our psyches than just repressed sexuality and other animal urges.

    Nowdays,many psychiatrists believe that our psyche is no more than our random and often times disfunctional chemical reactions in our brains. I don’t buy that at all. That is only part of who we are. So don’t let some test written by an ignoramous make you doubt yourself.

    (((Hugs)))

    Mary

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