Life Continues

There’s something about living in the stream of life – it can get pretty busy.  I don’t like being busy!  Yet, I don’t like sitting around the house.  At least, I don’t now.  Something has changed.  A switch has been flipped.  Where before, I was just sitting and thinking about what I could be doing, or should be doing, I am now doing.  What is it?  Is it the magic little pills?  Lamictal?  Oxcarbazapine?  Is it Spring?  Can I save it for Winter?  Or better, what I really want to know, can I control it?  It is such a relief to be back in the participating level of life, I don’t want to move away from it.  Every year, I look back on the Winter, and say “That was the worst winter, ever!”  Well, they can’t ALL be the worst winters, can they?  Is it just a loss of perspective?  Maybe it’s the massive loss of functioning.  And the loss of outdoor life!  I depend on living my life outdoors!  That is why I need to move somewhere where I can live outdoors year-round.  Oh Lordy I need to make that happen!!

This weekend is my mom & dad’s 50th Wedding Anniversary.  Wow talk about rising to an occasion.  I have to summon up a whole lot of functioning to read at their Anniversary Mass, then there’s this great big party, and all six of us kids have to be in a receiving line for the guests and introduce ourselves.  Can I be stoned for this?  I wonder if I’ll forget my name.  It’s a lot for me.  I will have to go minute by minute or I will get totally overwhelmed.  At least this is a long weekend, so I’ll get a break after Saturday to putz in the garden, which is finally planted (!!) including flowers in the pots and drip system functioning.  Now I just wait for things to grow.  And pull weeds

I am curious to hear from others how you manage your high and low functioning times, and how you manage social situations.  I’ve been out of the social scene for so long, I almost forget how to small-talk.  I was never good at it to begin with.  Now I am just plain tongue-tied.  Oh, and it’s already Hump Day!!  Hump On, people!!

15 thoughts on “Life Continues

  1. Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. But really, I try to limit it to a couple of times a month, ’cause I can just about manage that. And I usually try to take something to keep my hands busy — that’s why Stitch ‘n Bitch is great. 😀

  2. I was lucky to have a job where cocktail parties with clients and lots of wining and dining were critical. I was absolutely miserable, but people would ask me how I learned to work a room as beautifully as I did. I would always be in shock. I wanted to find one nice person and sit in a corner somewhere for a one on one chat. Moving around and doing small talk was not for me. But I did it. I think we don’t give ourselves enough credit. I would be terrified before one of these events and thought I looked like a complete fool the entire time, but in the end, the outside world thought I was doing great.

  3. I’m terrible at small-talk and social functions. I try to latch onto one friend or acquaintance and just hang with them the whole time. Or I just stand around looking awkward. Good luck!

  4. I really have to plan ahead. Too much and I get anxious and frustrated internally and irritated externally. I do like social settings, but moderation is key.

  5. Once you are there in the midst of it all, your anticipatory anxiety will subside. Be a listener. People love it when you listen. Listening puts you at ease and in control.
    If you get a lot of questions about what you have been up to, your flowers will suffice. If you feel trapped excuse yourself…first, look over like someone is trying to get your attention and say, “Oh I’m sorry but I am being summoned, great to see you” then high tail it to the restroom and chill out for a minute or two. It’s gonna be okay.
    You don’t give yourself enough credit! Your writings are awesome.

  6. : ) I have some good friends who know I hibernate and are pretty patient with me when I say “I’m feeling wicked exhausted, not this weekend, sorry.” (I have some who’ve lost patience with me, too, I can’t blame them for that.). But I own a high-intensity UV lamp for winter, and that helps. That, and I force myself to socialize twice a month, whether or not I want to. I find that actually helps, that I feel better for having Done Something (TM) and for having seen a friend, even if I started the occasion feeling a little forced & awkward. It takes practice. It still does. But it’s still worth it, and it’s an important habit, to not completely go hermit.

    I try to limit myself to one-on-one outings, or museum exhibits, or movies, things around and about which we can talk, or with people I’m comfortable with already. I just kind of don’t really do parties, and on the rare occasions I do, I promise myself I only have to stay for an hour, and I make myself talk to no more than two or three people. It’s awkward, but “how do you know the host,” and “tell me more about that” and “what do you do for a living” are easy questions, and not too personal, and they’re the kind of thing you can trade back and forth on. I sometimes find someone else in a corner who I don’t know and open with “I am wicked awkward at parties, but I promise myself I’m going to make myself talk to someone, so hi, I’m ____, how are you today?” People usually laugh. If it doesn’t work out, I move on, say thanks, get another soda.

    I also totally give myself 10 minutes alone in the backyard or wherever with a book or my camera, taking pictures of whatever captures my fancy, away from the crowd. Let them thing I’m arty, I don’t give a shit Cameras are a great excuse to be alone with your brain, because you’re being useful and taking pictures and it gives you something to talk to people about in addition– there are lots of fellow budding amateur photographers out there, too. : ) Good luck. You’ll do fine.

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