Morose Ponderings

When do I see Dr. Drugs again?  I think I’m still depressed.  Yesterday I was thinking about the inevitability of suicide.  Not good!  I was thinking I need to try to hold out until my parents have passed.  Oh lordy me.  I have Dr. Awesome today, I will have to talk to her about this.  I just am still in my shell and don’t want to come out.  In one way I want to get out and get more friends, and date, and in another way, I want to stay right here.  What a conundrum.  Is that the correct use of the word?  I think so.  Look, I don’t even feel like I’m in a particularly bad place, but this is what I’ve been thinking.  Maybe I just have too much time alone to think.  Ok gotta get to work, y’all have a good day.  Peaches!

4 thoughts on “Morose Ponderings

  1. Well hell! Sorry to hear you are feeling low again. Those passive suicidal thoughts are so unpleasant, aren’t they? Too much time to think can bother me, also. It is amazing what catastrophes we can think up, isn’t it? Wishing you well! Best, Smrtie

  2. I hate it when the suicidal thoughts start to rumble through my brain. I’ve learned to call a friend when this happens, especially one who is depressed or bipolar. It’s not easy to pull up that 300 lb phone to make the call, but I’m certain I’ve saved my life by doing so.

  3. I know, I still have those dark moments. Even on meds. This year has been the most up and down since I was diagnosed in 2001. All I can say (and I say this to myself) is hang in there, make it another day, try to remember goals / aspirations / how it feels to laugh.

    • Thanks. I don’t understand. I’m on more medicine than ever before, and I feel shittier. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a whiner and there’s no such thing as mental illness. Do I just need to snap out of it? Am I not grateful enough? Not practicing the Law of Attraction correctly? I don’t know.

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