I have a confession to make. Two days ago when I called Dr. Drugs and asked him if I could go up 50 mg on the Lamotrigine, I went ahead and went up on the Lamotrigine. I know, people, it’s called DESPERATION! Well he called back today and said that that was fine. Two doses later, and I’m actually feeling a bit better! I’m not sewing or making jewelry, but I’m less blah! Yes! I’ll take it! Any improvement is an improvement. Also, yesterday during my nothing-to-do workday, I watched The Secret and that’s kind of like a shot in the arm. It didn’t make me feel like I could conquer the world but I think it squelched some of my negative thinking. I think when I’m in a funk it’s really hard to overcome the negative thoughts.
Also, I am really appreciating the hot weather we are having. I love summer! Love! Let me sweat!! Open up those car windows and let the hot air blow in! I have my short hair in a ghetto ponytail that looks like a goonytail and I don’t care! Wave your hair like you just don’t care! Yeah that’s me. I had to get the hair outta my face. It’s the little things that give me pleasure right now.
To my next hurdle: Renewing my red card. This is the magical little card that allows me to walk into a store and buy mary-juana. I walked in today and realized that it expired on June 8th! Denied! Oh Jesus Mary and Joseph (all three) this could be a crisis but I just came home and ate a frozen brownie. I made some shitty-ass brownies that weren’t up to snuff so I froze them. I am so glad I froze them now. Foresight. Sometimes I have a little bit of it.
Well I also decided today that I am gonna stop stressing about being fat. I’m going to eat what I want (within reason and this is NOT a license to binge) and I’m going to exercise but I’m not going to be on this constant pressure cooker to lose weight, because I’m driving myself CRAZY!!! Somehow I think that I only deserve love at a certain weight and I need to re-write that. I see people at all kinds of weights and shapes who have love in their lives and I need to allow myself to have that too. So I am re-thinking some of my old, shitty thinking patterns that do not serve me.
Well dear diary excuse me blog I am going to walk. And then pick strawberries. I have a veritable SHITLOAD of strawberries, wish you were here to pick some too. They are OSS!! OSS is short for awesome, add it to your BPOF vocab. Amen and thank you.