Still Flat Stanley

Well it’s been all this time since I last wrote and I’m still Flat Stanley.  Wayyy flat affect, low interest level.  Maybe a teensy bit less flat – at least I have ventured out a bit socially.  That is progress.

I am keeping up the damn exercise, even though I’d rather eat turds than do it.  I just call it my “medicine” and I lace up my tennies and I get out there for a half hour or an hour and walk my ass off.  I try to chant “Thank you” and look for things to be grateful for on the walk.  I’ve been seeing a lot of deer, mommies and babies, still with their spots.  That warms my flat heart.  I try to walk in beautiful and serene places, places where I’d like to be.  I can’t imagine how I’d ever end up in one of these beautiful (read rich) neighborhoods, but somehow those people got there, right?  So I dream…

The job is still an immense challenge.  I’m not going to say too much about it because it’s so overwhelmingly “poopy”.   I am not any closer to knowing what I’d really like to do.  I know all the things I’d really like NOT to do.  From a metaphysical perspective this is not very evolved, I’m afraid.  Flat Stanley is holding me back from finding my interests.  Flat Stanley is a fucker!  I’ve got to take this chemistry experiment back to Dr. Drugs to have my cocktail tweaked some more.  It makes me weary.  Will I ever feel like myself?

2 thoughts on “Still Flat Stanley

  1. I hear ya. I don’t have to worry about the job situation because of Meg, but I know about the rest. It is “hard” to go out. I sorta want to. I KNOW it will make me feel better. It is just hard to get started. I have a new bicycle I have to force myself to ride. I am trying to do some other things and they are all forced, too.

    I would just encourage you to hang in. Remember always, “This, too, shall pass.”

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