The Wheels Are Turning

Well I’m doing it.  I’m actually pursuing this wild and crazy idea of having ECT.  I’ve contacted my HR Department about going on FMLA and am waiting to hear back.  I’ve contacted the hospital about getting insurance approval, and again, waiting to hear back.  I’ve let my family know, and they are very supportive.  I guess my bottom line is, even though I’m not suicidal, I’m far from not-depressed, and I think I’ve been so depressed for so long, that I don’t even have an idea of what it’s like to be me, not depressed, any more.  My brain needs a reboot.  I’ve come to the end of the road with medication.  It just turns me into Bland Betty.  I can take enough medication so that I’m not suicidal, but I never actually come out of the depression and live life like a normal person.  I REALLY want to go back to be a vibrant, alive, engaged human being.  If there’s even a chance of that (and I think there is), I have to try this.  I can’t stand my little teeny tiny life of near-nothingness anymore.  I will be chronicling the journey to ECT and beyond here, so stay tuned.

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