Tomorrow I’ll check into the hospital for two weeks to begin ECT treatments. The bag is packed. The bills are paid. Giving my checkbook and keys to my sister. We’ve had a family meeting to talk about the 24×7 care of me once I come out. Now it’s just time to begin. There’s a great big world of unknown ahead of me. Literally! Like, all of this will be unknown, soon, as in, I won’t remember any of this. Maybe I can come back and read it and wonder who wrote it? Oh well, what’s a few brain cells among friends? I will try to write in my journal faithfully and will have to wait and post when I get out of the hospital. I have no idea how I will feel, or if I will remember to write, or why to write. Hopefully something sneaks through that tells me to write.
Am I scared? Yes. But also hopeful. I haven’t been un-depressed for so long, I don’t even remember what it’s like. I don’t remember what its like to have hope, and verve, and a spring in my step. The very idea! I feel like this depression has defined me. I hope I can get back to the person I used to be.
So, I’ll see you in a couple of weeks! Hope you all have a good one. If you pray, throw one my way. And I’ll see you on the other side of the fry….BPOF over and out!