Today was one of those days where I woke up at 4:30 in the morning. This is one of the by-products of the ECT or the stress of being off work, I don’t know which. I was in a rage from a dream I’d had about my ex-brother-in-law taking advantage of me, it was so real! It wasn’t anything sexual or anything, it was a dream that he borrowed my car and loaded it up with crap, something that he would really do. Oh I was SO MAD I didn’t know what to do with myself and it’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m thinking, how am I gonna go back to sleep? It was a terrible time to get up. So I went and took some melatonin, my doctor who I am crushing on (let’s just call him Dr. Sweetie) prescribed this for sleep and it works o.k. Of course I would prefer something nice and strong and narcotic but Dr. Sweetie knows that I have addictive tendencies so he’s being all responsible with me, dammit, so I’m left with wimpie little melatonin. GOD I miss the days when doctors would whip out that pad and just write write write those prescriptions for shit!
It took over an hour but I got back to sleep. The second time I woke up wondering if I had paid two bills. You know that anxious feeling? I just don’t trust my brain right now. So I had to go get the checkbook out and look….and the two bills were just paid, yeah! What a relief! I’m gonna surf on top of that “oh yeah” feeling all day.
Oh yeah I had my first session with a new therapist yesterday. It went really well. We covered a lot of ground. I think I will see her again, but not every week due to the cost. I am on short-term disability right now which is 60% of my pay, which means I need to be very careful about my expenses.
Today I’m going out to lunch with my parents, to a French restaurant. I am very excited to try this place, I have never been before. It is in the next town over, in Longmont. Should be fun.
Well it’s time to go do my brain games, need to try to wake up this tired brain and remind it how to work correctly. Hope you all have a smashing day. See you tomorrow. PEACE!