Back From The Bin

Oh, hello there!  How are you?  It’s just me, Bipolaronfire, back from the looney bin!!  Damn my damn  honesty with Dr. Drugs!!!   A week and a half ago I walked into his office and admitted to some serious suicidal ideation, and doncha know he cut the appointment short and said I had to report to the nearest Emergency Room for a 72-hour hold.

I know I’m a dumbass but fuck it!  I told the truth.  I was feeling pretty damn low.  Yes I had a plan.  Yes I had written a suicide note.  Yes I thought I was going to go through with it.  Once they committed me, it got worse.  WORSE!!  Off to the psychiatric hospital for me, and in comes Dr. BigHeart.  At first he wanted to send me back to Dr. Sweetie’s hospital (I believe Dr. Sweetie has washed his hands of me, damn it all).  Once it became clear that he couldn’t send me back to the original hospital, Dr. BigHeart got serious and recommended his biggest gun for treatment, Clozaril and ECT.

Dr. BigHeart says my initial sixteeen (Yes, sixteen) treatments didn’t help because I was still on Trileptal and Topamax, which he promptly discontinued.  Dr. BigHeart (this is where he gets his name) gave out his cell phone number to my family and actually spent 45 minutes on the phone with my sister, discussing the recommended treatment.  Ultimately I said “what the fuck” and accepted his recommended treatment.  I’ve had three unilateral ECT treatments and together with the Clozaril I am a new person!  For reals!!

I will be getting weekly ECT for at least the next four weeks, then hopefully we’ll go to monthly treatments.  I am so troubled by the knowledge that I had sixteen wasted ECT treatments, I’m tempted to publish Dr. Sweetie’s name!  But ultimately I am a wuss and fear the consequences.    Dr. Sweetie is a young hunk of doctor-man, very qualified ultimately.  He just should have discontinued the Trileptal and Topamax, and I also think he should have stuck to unilateral treatments, since I was SO!  DAMN!!  MUDDLED!!! by the bilateral treatments, it was almost like I’d had a stroke!!  I was dumber than dumb, that’s for sure.  Maybe I could email Dr. Sweetie a link to this post, what do you think?

I am SO looking forward to sleeping in and not being woken up by some turd mental health worker, demanding a blood sample (at 6 am) or my vital signs at 7 am.  The Clozaril makes me groggy and I am going to sleep in tomorrow, HELL YES!!  So….how are you?  How’ve you been?  Sorry I was gone so long, they actually committed me to that damn hospital because I wouldn’t sign in voluntarily.  More of my awesome decision-making.   I believe….for the moment….it’s bpof over and out!  Peaches!!

22 thoughts on “Back From The Bin

  1. Bipolar fire! Do you know how much we need you here?? I’m so hurt that you would feel so low and not reach out to your bipolar family here! I’m glad your okay, but next time, please email ME if your feeling shitty! We can talk and maybe sVe each other’s lives!!

  2. Super-glad that you are here too – I love OhTemp whoever she/he is for those comments. Take OhTemp up on that offer if God forbid you feel shitty – please….

      • That’s so awesome! You will be in my thoughts today – don’t expose that bad boy Sweetie – the reason I say that is that I wrote about a friend of mine a few days ago (not in a good way…) and it came back to bite me in the ass big-time. Many tears were shed. Yuck! Anyway, on a brighter note, I am so happy for you, girl. You are trying with all your might and I’ve heard good things about DBT – I’ll keep reading so keep us posted! 🙂

      • Thank you so much, Dyane! Dr. Sweetie is safe for the moment. GOD I wish I could arrange for him to read my blog….so far haven’t been able to find an email address for him.

      • Hmmmmmm – really? He could learn from his mistake, eh? There has GOT to be an email address for him! Let me know if you find it!!! Did you check the hospital website – would it be worth even calling his staff?

      • You are right! I shouldn’t be a bad influence!!!!! I was just checking out my pdoc on and – I bet you tried those, eh? (Sorry to be more of a bad influence, but hey – your pdoc made a big boo boo, right????) Forgive me! I’ll stop, I promise!

  3. What an amazing bipolar network you have created bipolaronfire. Doesn’t feel such a lonely world having been on here! Particularly OhTemp words too 🙂

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