Well my new behavior that I am working on as I take this DBT intensive is taking action. I have been so stuck lately, stuck in my Comfort Zone which equates to staying home alone and isolating. This is really harmful to my mental health. Although I resist it with every fiber of my being, I am forcing myself to take action, as in, going out and doing something with other people. I have to say, I hate pushing myself. I really love my Comfort Zone! That doesn’t make sense I know but I am really a creature of habit. The other thing I have historically done while sitting at home isolating is I’ve abused substances quite extensively, mostly marijuana but some alcohol too. At some point towards the end of last year I came to the conclusion that being stoned all the time was worsening my depression and I stopped using weed. Right now I am really missing it. I miss the oblivion! I have committed to staying sober throughout the nine week DBT intensive that I’m taking, so today I went to an AA meeting. (That was my “getting out of my Comfort Zone” behavior). It was just as it’s always been, except when I used to go twenty years ago, everyone wasn’t messing with a cell phone. Remember when we just had home phones? Land lines? Yeah that brought me back. I used to sit in the bathtub and talk on the phone for hours. Those were the days….
I had to go to the hospital where Dr. Sweetie works today. This Clozaril is such a pain in the ass!! I have to have weekly blood tests so they can make sure it’s not killing me. Today I went to the lab and signed a release so that they can fax my lab results to the pharmacy. It’s hard-core!! I was so worried that I would see Dr. Sweetie (I didn’t). I am very sad about the complaint my sister filed against Dr. Sweetie. Even though I know the complaint has merit, it just makes me sad to picture Dr. Sweetie having to deal with the consequences of the complaint. Dammit. Why does life have to be so difficult?
Tomorrow I have absolutely zero plans. Well I guess that’s a bit of a lie because I will have DBT homework to do. What am I going to do for the rest of the day? Hopefully I will find something productive to do.
Well my nighttime medicine is kicking in and my head is full of clouds. Please forgive me for writing the world’s most boring blog this evening, I really just wanted to check in and say “Hi”. Soooooo……how are you?