EXCELLENT Shredded Chicken Burritos

A family friend’s mother just passed away a couple of days ago and so I asked if I could make her a meal, the Universal symbol of Love and Support. She made it easy on me by asking for chicken burritos. So there I go making the burritos, PRAYING that they don’t suck! Fortunately for me, I had two left over that wouldn’t fit in the pan, so I got to taste them. They were very surprisingly good so I thought I’d share the recipe! Here goes:


Burrito-size flour tortillas, pkg of 8

Huge package of boneless chicken breasts (maybe 6?)

Gigantor bottle of salsa

Fat can of green chile enchilada sauce

Shredded Mexican cheese (1 ½ or 2 cups)

Fresh cilantro


Can of refried beans

Sour cream


Fire up the crock pot and pour in that whole huge bottle of salsa. Trim all the nastiness off of the chicken (you know, the fat, and those gross white vein-lookin’ things, GAG!), wash the chicken, and throw it into the crock pot. Let it cook for about four hours.

In the meantime, get your other ingredients ready. Wash the HELL out of the cilantro (use your sprayer, wash and move it around and wash. I NEVER trust “pre-washed” produce. I once found an itsy-bitsy frog in my salad. FUCK ME that was gross!!! But I digress.) Hold the stems of the cilantro in your left hand and the leaves in your right, twist and presto! You’ve torn off the stems, which you can throw into the compost. Put that big pile of cilantro on your cutting board and proceed to chop the living hell out of it! You need a sharp knife, believe me. Chop, chop, chop. Reverse! Chop in the other direction! And again! You want some finely chopped cilantro. Finally, put that finely chopped cilantro in a bowl and set aside.

Now I know you know how to chop an onion, and I want that sucker chopped very finely too. Just trust me!! It’s better when it’s finely chopped. Put the onion in another bowl and set aside.

Measure out 1 ½ cups of shredded cheese and put that in yet another bowl and set aside.

Pull out your rectangular casserole dish and grease it with a little olive oil.

Toss your can of refried beans in a pot and add ¼ tsp of garlic powder and ½ tsp of cumin. You can start heating up the refried beans when everything else is about ten minutes away from being ready. You know one thing that really gets on my nerves is when refried beans bubble up like molten lava. If you’d like to calm the giant bubbles, don’t be afraid to add just a little bit of water to your beans to tame them.

Ok so it’s been four hours, let’s shred that chicken! Get yourself two forks. Now remember this chicken is going to be falling apart so carefully remove one breast at a time and set it on your cutting board. Hold the breast in place with one fork and shred it to bits with the other fork. Throw all the shredded chicken into a big bowl.

Now we’re about ready to assemble. Get out a griddle and set it on the stove at Medium heat. Place two tortillas at a time on the griddle, heating a side, flipping both, heating that side, then flipping to the other side of tortilla #1, then flipping to the other side of tortilla #2. Get it? All sides of the tortillas will be heated and so much more elastic which makes for easy rolling.

Put those two tortillas on your cutting board and throw two more on the griddle for heating. Meanwhile back at the cutting board, put two good handfuls of shredded chicken in the center of your tortilla. Sift a small handful of minced onion over the chicken, then do the same with the cilantro. Finally sprinkle the shredded cheese over all of it.. not too little but not too much. You’re just gonna have to feel your way, folks. Fold the long end of the tortilla over everything, then take the right end and fold it in, so that the right side of the burrito will be closed. Then continue to roll your burrito until it’s closed, and place it lengthwise in the casserole dish.

Don’t forget to keep flipping your tortillas on the griddle as you assemble your burritos.

Once all of your burritos are lined up nicely in your casserole dish, take a moment to just be proud. Well done! That was a lot of work. Almost done. Pour the green chile sauce all over the top of those suckers. Make sure they’re drenched. Then sprinkle the remainder of the cilantro, onion, and cheese over the top of everything. Bake at 350˚ for thirty minutes.

Serve with a big dollop of sour cream on top, and some hot refried beans on the side. Don’t be embarrassed to have a satisfactory burp at the end of this meal. It’s worth it.

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