I had ECT today. The guy who puts in the IV, let’s just call him Lefty, well, Lefty is quite the hunk of a man! Nice big guy, I love the big, tall, stocky guys, brown hair & beard and blue-sky eyes. He has a soft, gentle voice and let’s face it: Lefty turns me on. Hey! We’re all human! Right? So I’m sitting there like a good little patient waiting for him to stick me (with a needle! GOD you have a dirty mind!) and he stands up to get a tourniquet because the first one broke and his crotch is RIGHT at face level. And all I can think is “Don’t look at his crotch. DO NOT look at his crotch!!” Somehow I averted my eyes. But I wanted to look. So bad.
So Lefty is putting the IV on the inside of my left elbow and somehow he accidentally touched my left breast. “You touched my boob, Lefty!” I said casually. “Don’t talk to me like that when I’m trying to concentrate!” he replied, “I promise you it was entirely accidental.” The devil on my right shoulder wanted to taunt him further but the angel on my left convinced me that the appropriate thing to do would be to shut the fuck up. Ah, appropriateness.
So, another day, another zap. Came home, slept off the anesthesia, and then fired up the ol’ laptop. I went over to Lumosity to do my little brain games, and shockety-shock-shock of the century, on four games out of five I got top scores!! This is after having been in quite a slump lately and wondering what the major malfunction was with my brain. I found this very encouraging. Apparently having electricity run through your brain and a ketamine anesthetic is BRAIN GAME GOLD!!
Later on this week I will be heading to California for a family reunion, and I’ve been dreading the question “So, what are you doing these days?” “Oh, I dunno. No work. No fun. I have lots of ECT. Take lots of drugs. Stress about money. You?” It just sounds so…AWESOME! I’m thinking of some alternative responses, like “I’m going back to school to learn to be a Rodeo Clown” or “I just put up a profile on SugarDaddy.com and I’m getting amazing responses!” I’m open to suggestions.
Hope your Monday was as good as mine, people. Keep fighting the good fight! BPOF over and out!