Monday Bloody Monday

I had ECT today. The guy who puts in the IV, let’s just call him Lefty, well, Lefty is quite the hunk of a man! Nice big guy, I love the big, tall, stocky guys, brown hair & beard and blue-sky eyes. He has a soft, gentle voice and let’s face it: Lefty turns me on. Hey! We’re all human! Right? So I’m sitting there like a good little patient waiting for him to stick me (with a needle! GOD you have a dirty mind!) and he stands up to get a tourniquet because the first one broke and his crotch is RIGHT at face level. And all I can think is “Don’t look at his crotch. DO NOT look at his crotch!!” Somehow I averted my eyes. But I wanted to look. So bad.

So Lefty is putting the IV on the inside of my left elbow and somehow he accidentally touched my left breast. “You touched my boob, Lefty!” I said casually. “Don’t talk to me like that when I’m trying to concentrate!” he replied, “I promise you it was entirely accidental.” The devil on my right shoulder wanted to taunt him further but the angel on my left convinced me that the appropriate thing to do would be to shut the fuck up. Ah, appropriateness.

So, another day, another zap. Came home, slept off the anesthesia, and then fired up the ol’ laptop. I went over to Lumosity to do my little brain games, and shockety-shock-shock of the century, on four games out of five I got top scores!! This is after having been in quite a slump lately and wondering what the major malfunction was with my brain. I found this very encouraging. Apparently having electricity run through your brain and a ketamine anesthetic is BRAIN GAME GOLD!!

Later on this week I will be heading to California for a family reunion, and I’ve been dreading the question “So, what are you doing these days?” “Oh, I dunno. No work. No fun. I have lots of ECT. Take lots of drugs. Stress about money. You?” It just sounds so…AWESOME! I’m thinking of some alternative responses, like “I’m going back to school to learn to be a Rodeo Clown” or “I just put up a profile on and I’m getting amazing responses!” I’m open to suggestions.

Hope your Monday was as good as mine, people. Keep fighting the good fight! BPOF over and out!

16 thoughts on “Monday Bloody Monday

  1. I can totally relate with the “what have you been doing?” It scares the shit out of me as well. I have been dancing around it by saying I have been so so and then immediately asking them a question which deflects the whole subject off of you. I have found this to work pretty good since people would much rather talk about themselves. If people are persistent i am usually honest and admit I am in between things and looking right now, but I usually follow with some other opened question to them. Hope it helps and enjoy CA.

  2. Ack, I hate the “what have you been doing” comment. Depending on who it is, and whether it’s just a polite question or whether they really want to know (know what I mean?), I might tell them I’m working in my family’s business or I might tell them I’m on SSDI and working part-time. I also might say, “oh, enough about me. I’m so boring! Tell me about you!” I wish you luck in this, and I must agree, it is nice when one of our nurses/techs/doctors turns out to be totally hunky. I must say it happens to you a greater deal more than I — what is it about Colorado? 😀

  3. There should be ECT and ketamine smoothie bars!!!! With Lumosity stations…I’d be a regular!!! I wanna dream up a catchy name for such a place!

  4. I’m glad to hear of your cognitive improvement! I also don’t know how you managed self restraint with Lefty 😉
    Wish I could come up with some witty response to the question “what are you doing these days” but I usually just say something vague, create a reason to leave e.g. spilt coca cola everywhere, fake hearing some one calling me etc.

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