Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my 48th birthday. I know that many, including myself, thought that I wouldn’t make it to this day. It has been a long and hard year marked by deep depression, two hospitalizations, and countless ECT treatments. At this point I still don’t know what I’m living for, other than the fact that I can’t allow myself to hurt the ones that I love by killing myself. I have started a Novena (Catholic Voodoo), I’ve been meditating, and doing yoga daily, and I’ve been tapping. All in the hopes of lifting the depression. I do believe that all of it is helping. I believe that acting in Faith, believing in something, trying to change, gives me hope. I have to have hope that I can do better, that I can be better, that I can function as a human being in this world. The key word there being function.

It’s a beautiful day for a birthday and my oldest sister will be hosting a party for me this afternoon. I’m looking forward to being with my family and having delicious burgers cooked on the grill – my sister makes kickass burgers! I don’t know what she puts in them but they’re damn good :). Maybe heroin. I know this is kind of assholian, but I asked my family for Amazon.com gift cards as presents for my birthday. Where do I get off asking for anything? I know. Asshole. But I’m really watching my pennies since I’m on Disability and I’d really like to buy myself some shit off of Amazon! I hope my diabolical scheme nets me some Amazon coin.

It’s hard to believe that July is pretty much half over. I just want to slowwww this summer down. Summer is my season! I’m alive! Sun, blue sky, minimal clothing….that’s the shit! I think I’ll go sit outside and smoke. One of my last vices. Yeah yeah I know. Fuck me. Oh well it’s my birthday! Taking a day off from beating up on myself. I think I’ll go get a Slurpee. Doesn’t that sound good? Hope your Sunday is outstanding. Peach out, WordPress homies!

14 thoughts on “Happy Birthday To Me

  1. Happy Extreme Moose birthday my sweet!

    As one of my closest friends and I like to say: “fuck the fucking fuckers!”

    Hope you are having a blast!! I loooooooo slurpees….what’s your favorite flavor????

  2. I totally ask for Amazon gift cards from my dad every birthday and Christmas, mostly because he’s terrible about picking out presents. I don’t think is is a bad thing!

  3. P.$. You’ve inspired me to pursue a PhD. In Assholian studies, so I can become a bona fide Asshologist! There are plenty of crackin’ good cases out there I can study!!!

      • That’s Dr. Asshole to you, my cutie! And I used to mix Slurpee flavors long ago, i.e. lime & cherry, when i was a kid. It was so much fun!

        Hope the Q was awesome and the burgers extra yummy. And I also hope you got shitloads of Amazon loot, honey, you truly deserve it! Sending you my love and a big hug, you bodacious birthday beast!!!!!

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