What Next?

OMG. I really really really finished cleaning the FUCK out of my house. I guess I can’t call it my house any more since I just moved out of it. So I cleaned it so hard, it looks better than it did when I moved in! I hope like hell that the property manager guy does the right thing and sends me back ALL of my money!!

So I have a very “What Now?” feeling going on. I was so focused on packing, moving, and cleaning for the last few weeks and now it’s . . . Done! What next?

I am reading the latest issue of Vogue, it is like seven or eight hundred pages and weighs a TON and I think it’s injuring my arms to hold it up to read. Well not really read. It’s mostly advertisements. Mostly I look at it and go “What the FUCK? Who thought THAT was a good idea?” You know how they try to make really ugly shit look like it’s THE SHIT? Yeah. No. I don’t care what you say, Vogue, ugly is still ugly. But some of it is entertaining my brain. And then I think about how I used to sew and make my own clothes and have a sexy body and it’s like, Damn! What happened? I need to turn this shit AROUND!!! Maybe my “What next” is that I need to plot a COMEBACK to where I look and feel more like myself again. Maybe I will make myself my own little project.

Did you ever do that? I mean, with someone else? I used to date guys who were several rungs below me on the socioeconomic ladder (sue me, but I was wayyyyy better than them) and I would make the guy my improvement project. Clean him up, cut his hair, put him in some better clothes….but then he’d still be talking dirty out loud in the middle of a nice restaurant…or thinking someone was looking at him wrong and calling out across the fine, classy restaurant “What’s YOUR problem, BITCH?” Yeah that shit never worked out like I thought it should. Lots of attempts at putting lipstick on a pig. Mixed results.

Maybe I’ll have better luck at improving myself. Then again, I have been known to bust right through the appropriateness barrier at the most inopportune of times . . . Well fuck I can try anyway can’t I? We’ll see.

10 thoughts on “What Next?

  1. I tried improving myself…eat better & finally lose the seroquel weight I gained. When I started on it I gained 40 lbs in four months. It took me a year on weight watchers to take off 35 lbs. Then my pdoc doubled my dosage and now I weigh more than I ever did. I weigh twice what I did when I was 20 and that my friend is depressing.

  2. I know you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, fiery one!

    And I’m SO PROUD of your cleaning up your old place so well!!! Exhausting, isn’t it? I’ve done that sooooo many times in all the rentals I’ve been in – ugh!!!

    I know this is a super-challenging, freaky time of transition and you are truly awesome to take such a big a risk!!!!!!!

    Sending you my love and a big hug!
    Dy

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