Still Sugar-Free

And the cravings are a real bitch!!! I am still off the sugar (not just sugary foods but sugar in any food, and most processed foods) and it is still a bitch! I am focusing on eating WAYYYYY more fruits and vegetables than I was. I keep reminding myself that I’m working on developing healthier habits that will benefit me for a lifetime. Also, a lot of the time when I’m craving crap (sugar, carbs, junkfood in general) I just have to remind myself that I am fine, I am not hungry, I’ve eaten plenty of food. Sometimes I will have a piece of fruit. This is a major addictive process that I am trying to overcome. Food, carbs, sugar, I have used to medicate so much!!! And I so want to just let go and binge on a big container of ice cream. With gobs of caramel sauce. Somehow, I am managing to keep my decision to change my relationship to food. Mood-wise, I am doing really well. I am feeling positive, empowered and hopeful. I want to continue on this path.

Just a reminder, if you’re interested in going down this path with me (PLEASE, I NEED SOME SUGAR-FREE BUDDIES!!) watch the movie Fed Up. It will motivate you like you wouldn’t believe!!

Hope your week is going well, my friends!! Peaches to your Mama!!

Good Bye, Sugar!

I have had a rocky relationship with sugar all my life. I LOVE sugar!! I have used it and abused it since I was a young child. When I was a kid, I would eat all of my Halloween candy in one day. And I’ve continued the same kind of behavior as an adult. Buy something sugary, like a box of Good and Plenty, and it’s gone by the end of the day. Lately, over the past few months, I’ve been bingeing on sugar, sometimes to the point of being sick in the night. I’ve been scaring myself. Being on Clozaril makes it really hard to resist sugar and carbs in general.

A few days ago, I watched the documentary Fed Up, which is all about sugar and obesity and the food industry and how crappy food is marketed to us and to children. It was incredibly revealing. One of the points that they made is that the place in our brains that is activated when we ingest cocaine, is the same place that’s activated when we consume sugar!!! There was also a study done with lab rats where they were given a choice between cocaine and sugar water, and four out of five rats chose the sugar water. This documentary was VERY revealing and educational, and I highly recommend it.

I have been so worried about my health since I started the Clozaril and have been really abusing food like an addict. My weight has been climbing and I get a terrible shock when I see myself in photographs with this terrible fat belly! Belly fat is the most dangerous, they say, because it’s attached to your internal organs and can cause heart disease. With the help of this documentary, I came up with the will to quit sugar and processed food. It’s a HUGE step and a HUGE commitment, but I feel like I am fighting for my life here.

It’s only been since Wednesday, but I’ve not ingested any sugar at all (to my knowledge). In the middle of the night when I get the monster food cravings, I’ve been able to eat a banana and fall back asleep. I’ve been eating a TON of organic vegetables (I wasn’t really eating vegetables before) and organic fruit when I feel like I need something sweet. I feel very encouraged that I’ve been able to do this at all. My hope is to make a permanent lifestyle change that includes unprocessed, organic food and NO SUGAR.

I’ll keep you posted as I go along. Maybe some of you would like to join me on this venture? Go watch the documentary Fed Up (you can get it on iTunes or go to http://www.fedupmovie.com). Let me know what you think! With love to you all, BPOF!

Git Outta Town!!

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Sometimes a little day trip out of town is just what the doctor ordered! My friend Mike and I hit the road yesterday for Central City, CO. It was a beautiful drive through several forests and mountain towns. The fall foliage was spectacular, the sky was bluer than sky blue, and the temperature was deliciously warm.

Central City is an old mining town wayyyy up high in the mountains at 8,510 feet and it’s full of beautiful Victorian architecture. The streets are incredibly steep and it’s a hell of a workout for the butt and thighs to just walk around and look at this beautiful place.

In addition to the gorgeous Victorian architecture, the city is also home to several casino/restaurants, so Mike and I enjoyed a wonderful lunch and then wasted some money playing video poker. I know I have the potential to be a gamblaholic because I become completely convinced that I am going to WIN BIG! Forty dollars later, I felt a little hung over and we hit the road for the drive back to Boulder.

Overall it was such a beautiful day and so wonderful to get out of town and see some beautiful scenery. Of course, we asked ourselves, why don’t we do this more often? It was so fun and uplifting.

On Monday we will head up to Estes Park to see the elk bugling! This of course is their mating call that the male elk make in the fall, trying to entice the females to do a little elk-boots-knocking. Check back on Monday night, you may find a little elk porn on this page.

Hope you all enjoy a spectacular weekend! Peach out!

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This Is My Life Now

I am slowly adjusting to being homeless. Let me just say that it SUCKS not to have my own home anymore, DAMN that fucking landlord who wouldn’t let me continue my lease on a month-to-month basis until I’m ready to go to Florida in November!!! BUT this is my life now. Fortunately for me I can stay with family, and I am a nomad, staying three days with one sister, one day with another and then three days with my Mom and Dad. It is hard dragging all my shit from one place to another. But I feel like I need to focus on the positives. Like, thank GOD I have all this family who welcome me into their homes!!! And thank GOD I don’t have to stay with my Mom and Dad all the time, because it’s a bit stressful, being that there’s no alone time there.

I have a little sewing project I am working on, refurbishing cloth diapers for my brother and his wife. It’s super-time-consuming, to replace the elastic in them, it takes FOREVER, then I sew new Velcro tabs on them. I am enjoying having a project, even if it’s slow-going. It’s good to have a purpose.

We are having ridiculously cool weather in Colorado right now, and do I need to say that I don’t love it? Yeah. Sucks. Hopefully in a couple of days it will warm back up. It’s just not time to get cold, dammit!!

Hope you have a bitchin’ weekend, y’all! GO BRONCOS!!!! Peach out.

The Pot Pain Patch is Purdy Nice

In my last post I mentioned my awesome bingeing capacity thanks to the Clozaril I take every night.  So I got a CBN Pain Patch from the dispensary to try to force myself to fall asleep faster and miss the food cravings that Clozaril induces.  So far, after three nights, I think the pain patch is doing its job, as far as helping with pain and helping me to fall asleep quickly.

I tried an Indica lozenge last night as well, and I woke up in the middle of the night hungry as hell.  So I think that’s a “No” on the Indica lozenges.

I had ECT yesterday, feeling kind of flat today.  Hope all is well in your world!

Pain, Pain Go Away!

I have been having a terrible time with bingeing on food, either carbs or just plain sugar. Some of it feels like an addiction, like I’m medicating my feelings. Definitely some of it is due to the Clozaril I take for mood stabilization. It gives me pot-like munchies and makes me hungry as hell. Sometimes I wake up at 5 in the morning so hungry that I have to go eat something before I can go back to sleep until around 9 am. This has been torture for me. I feel like I’m watching a train wreck and I can’t do anything about it. I’ve gained more than twenty pounds since I started the Clozaril in February. UNACCEPTABLE!!!

I’ve also had lots & lots of pain thanks to over-taxing my back during the move I just had. I’m icing my back a lot but all in all it makes me very achy and I just feel impaired.

So after therapy today I went to my local marijuana dispensary and just told them: I take a medication that makes me want to eat and I need something that will knock me on my ass and make me fall asleep. If I fall asleep I can’t eat, right? They offered me a bunch of different options, all edibles (I hate to smoke it). One of them that I’m going to try tonight is a patch, and it has specific compounds that are supposed to help with pain (Yay!). And it should make me really sleepy. I’m so achy even after taking two Tramadols that I want to put the patch on right now but I need to wait until closer to bedtime. I REALLY hope this sucker works. It was $20 but you cut the patch into eight pieces. So that’s $2.50 per night if it works. That’s expensive but if it gets me off the porkin’ out rollercoaster it’s worth it. I will report back tomorrow!

Hope all is well in your world. Peaches!