Shit . . .

This has been a down week. Fuck! I don’t really know why. I had a treatment (ECT) last Friday and ever since I’ve felt like shit. I don’t know if it’s the treatment or if I am just mad at myself for not doing the “No Sugar” thing perfectly (yes I’ve fallen off the wagon and had some binges). I am still pursuing clean eating, but GODDAMN it’s hard!! I’m still thinking in terms of a new life plan for eating, this is not a diet!! But oh how it’s hard.

The days here in Colorado have become markedly shorter and that certainly fucks with my brain. The sun is also lower in the sky, even that bothers me. I feel like a fucking whiner. I think I AM! Is whining a symptom of Depression? I think I’ll google it. Google asks me “Did you mean to ask if yawning is a symptom of Depression?” No motherfucker I didn’t!! So I found an article, more like a Q&A, Ask A Therapist, where someone says they tried to cut off their arms because they thought they were plastic, and they’re asking if there’s anything wrong with them? Oh my.

Ohhhh YEAH my ECT psychiatrist told me to get a new therapy light. Maybe I should actually do that. Is anyone else feeling the effects of less light? It’d be a comfort to know I’m not the only one. Don’t make me cut my arms off, people . . .

29 thoughts on “Shit . . .

  1. I should really have a light myself. Just can’t afford one or build one. Yes, I have been feeling the effect of the day ending sooner. Then again, I’m a recluse and don’t get out much. LOL. Hope you feel better soon. ECT can be a bitch and a life saver all at the same time.

  2. Sorry you feel shitty. Whining is a very serious symptom of depression 😉 And if you hold all the whining in, you end up yawning while cutting your arms off. So, phleeeease, whine away. I’ve also had sugar. But I have cut down, eating consciously and limiting snacking. Apologies, I have to go – it’s time for my portion of CHOCOLATE!!!!

  3. Changing diets and lifestyles is such an extremely difficult thing to do. I notice my mood is also greatly affected by the number of binges and slip ups I have. I’ve lost over 100 pounds since last year, and it has been so hard to stick with being “healthy,” but I DO feel better when I stick to it. As for whining– your blog. You’re allowed to say whatever the fuck you want. But for the record, no, I don’t think you’re whining. I think you’re merely venting.

  4. I wondering about the wholeECT experience? My pdoc is suggesting it and frankly I’m scared! He also recommended TMS as an alternative, but that doesn’t seem to have the long term results that ECT does. Eager to know your experiences and how you decided to go with ECT?
    Thanks
    Ps keep blogging

    • ECT is a HUGE commitment and not to be taken lightly. When you first start, you’re going three days per week (that’s the usual protocol) and during that acute phase (usually three or four weeks) you cannot drive and you need someone to kind of babysit you 24 hours a day. I wouldn’t recommend ECT unless you are absolutely desperate.

      • Thank ya sooooo much for your endorsement! Still trippin’ on that “Fed Up” film…I want my family to watch it! There’s even sugar in Lucy’s nasty puppy food and that’s gonna stop! Thanks again for that wake-up call – I am grateful to you!

      • Me healthy, girl? I’m the ice cream/gelato queen!!! If i just reduce the huge amounts we all consume in this family, especially yours truly, I’ll be happy, ya know what I mean?

        That was such a well-done film. I was disappointed that Michelle Obama wouldn’t be interviewed!!! Boo Michelle!!! She has to please the Evil Ones. At least they got Patrick Kennedy and Bill Clinton and all those other brainiacs who I respect. I got a laugh out of my girls (who heard me go off about this movie all weekend) when I said I’m gonna dress as the SUGAR INDUSTRY for HALLOWEEN! :))))))

      • I know that fucking sugar lobby is POWERFUL!!! It’s a real disappointment how Michelle Obama has effectively been muzzled. What BULLSHIT, huh?? This is big money and big power. FIGHT THE POWER!!!

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