Off To The Races!!

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My parents have been visiting for about a week and a half and I have to say, it’s been doing me good.  Having them here forces me to get off my ass and go do things every day.  They didn’t rent a car because they’re old and they tend to get lost, so I am basically their chauffeur which is fine with me.  We have been getting out and seeing things that I have never seen here.  It’s hard for me to get up and go, and it’s really stretching me to get out of my comfort zone and go experience all these new things.  I mean, for most people this would just be fun.  But for me, in the state I’m in, there’s a certain amount of stress in trying new things and going to new places.  But I KNOW that it’s good for me and I’m hoping that I can keep it up once they’re gone.

Today we are going to the horse races!!!  My mom has always wanted to go and I have always loved horses, in fact, I had one when I was growing up.  I will be taking my “big camera” (Digital SLR) to try to get some cool pics.  I haven’t taken many pictures lately but since my ‘rents have been here I’ve used the camera quite a few times.  Progress, progress.  I’ll take it where I can get it!!

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!  BIG HUGS!!!  ❤ ❤ ❤    <———– I wish I could insert purple hearts but that is beyond my capabilities.  Peach out!

Health Insurance: Friend or Foe?

Many of you in the US (and perhaps other countries as well) may face this same dilemma:  Your health insurance company is providing more barriers to care than it is providing the care that you pay for.  In my case, I have Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina.  I have had an unbelievable number of claims be adjusted as “Out of Network” when the provider is in fact “In Network”.  Each explanation of benefits that I receive with the Out of Network judgement causes me to have to call them, and it’s usually a 45 minute to one hour conversation, with many transfers from one person to another.  Of course, if the care is judged to be Out of Network, this would leave me on the hook financially for most of the cost.

I am paying around $700 per month for this health insurance, and I can’t tell you how stressful it is to have to constantly be fighting Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina to pay for what they are supposed to pay.  This is incredibly triggering, and without a doubt it makes my depression much worse.  I am getting to the point that I am afraid to seek the care that I need, because I am anticipating the ensuing fight with the insurance company to cover my care.

The latest issue is lab work.  I went to a lab that was on BSBCNC’s website as “In Network”, and I am now being billed for the lab work.  On a 45 minute call to Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina, the person I spoke to tried to tell me that the problem was with my doctor who wrote the orders, and that I needed to contact him.  THIS MAKES NO SENSE.  If the lab work at that lab is In Network, it’s In Network!  I am to the point now that I want to hire an attorney to slap a suit on Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina for all the emotional distress they are causing me.  What does it take to get the health care that the policy promises???

Back to ECT

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Well I am back to having ECT after a longggggg fucking delay.  My last treatment was October 27 and I should have had a maintenance treatment a month later, but it took this long to get all my ducks in a row.  What a cluster!!

They wanted me to come back this Thursday (two days later!) for another treatment but I said FUCK NO!!  My parents are here visiting and I miss a whole day when I have a treatment.  I’m down for the count after having a treatment, having to stay in bed and rest afterwards.  I will think about having another treatment next week.

I do feel better, less dark-mooded, so I think the zap did me good.  I’m taking my Mom & Dad to Tarpon Springs today, it’s supposed to be pretty cool, they harvest sponges from the ocean there.  I think that will be cool to see.

I’m trying to just repeat positive affirmations and say the Unity prayer (The light of God surrounds us, the love of God enfolds us, the power of God protects us, the presence of God washes over us, wherever we are, God is, and all is well).  It feels like a powerful affirmation to me.

Let’s hear it for getting back to functioning!  Yeah!!!

 

P.S. – Here is a pic from the Suncoast Seabird Sanctuary, it was a dreamland for bird lovers like me 🙂

A Little Ray Of Hope

Man, my last post was a big ray of a turd and I’m sorry about that.  I got bad news about needing some super-expensive dental work that I can’t afford and I was envisioning myself being a toothless hillbilly granny.  Then I got so down, I wrote another post which I did NOT post where I was basically making my case for suicide.  I know.  Overwhelmed doesn’t look good on me at all.  So my parents came to visit yesterday, and all the grand suicide plans came crashing down.  These people who are my parents are SUCH GOOD PEOPLE!!!  I can’t hurt them like this!!  I just can’t do this to them!!  It would really hurt them and I don’t even know if they would get over it.

So.  I had to come up with a Plan B.  I started wondering how some kick-ass bitch who really advocates for herself would deal with this situation.  And my inner Kick Ass Bitch said, you call your old dentist in Boulder and get a reality check.  SO!  That’s what I did, and man oh man, that reality check was so good, it was almost like an ORGASM!!  I SWEAR!!!  They quoted me THOUSANDS less, AND said that my insurance would kick in $1500.  So basically I would be on the hook for $2300, rather than $5200!!  Um, hello!!  Gas is $1.99 a gallon right now and I have all the time in the world to drive back to Colorado for this fucking treatment!!  Hell yeah!!

It’s not totally a done deal, I faxed them the quote from Florida Dentist, and they will call me back to confirm, but GODDAMN things are looking a LOT better than they were!  I mean, A LOT!!!  And I am fucking.  GRATEFUL!!  Oh.  I NEEDED something like this!!  Now I can sit back and enjoy my visit with my parents without this black thundercloud hanging over me.  Holy Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed and Mary, thank you!!  A little relief from the pain.  Ah.  God……..

TWO Count Them TWO Sets Of Plans For Tonight!!!

WOW well this hasn’t been the best week.  I have had a hard time getting going every day, and I haven’t managed to exercise each day which is my goal (and my saving grace).  I don’t know what my major malfunction is, other than the fact that is hasn’t been very warm here, although it has still been beautiful, for the most part.  I think I am lonely.  No, I know I am.  However, I am excited to have TWO sets of plans for tonight!!  First, I am meeting my friend S and her boyfriend for a drink and I think dinner (S is who I stayed with when I first got to Florida).  I have only seen her once since I moved out of her house, so it will be great to see them.  Then at about 7pm I am meeting friends from my former Meetup group for a poker game!  Yeah!  I am not a great poker player but I am a GREAT bluffer.  So I’m going to work on my poker game as well as my bluff.

Right now I’m off to see the psychiatrist at the Cattle-Call Mental Health Practice, they just process us through like we’re cattle.  The psychiatrist couldn’t be less caring.  But hey! Fuck!  It gets me that fucking Clozaril.  Whatever.

Sunday, the BRONCOS are in the playoffs.  GO BRONCOS!!!!!  Hope you all have a slammin’ weekend.  Peaches!!

Merry Christmas And A Crashed Hard Drive To You!

Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t been around for awhile (has anybody noticed?  Maybe I flatter myself).  Welllll I had the coolest thing happen to me on Christmas Day!  My fucking hard drive crashed!!  Awesome huh!  Sooo I have been limping along with my iPhone, waiting for a new hard drive to come in the mail.  It finally came yesterday.  I guess you could say that it was a “lucky” thing that it happened while I was in Colorado, because I was able to go to my storage unit and I actually FOUND MY BACKUP HARD DRIVE and on said backup hard drive there was a RESTORABLE IMAGE!!!!  Not only that, but I had backed up my files in August before I moved!!  I love it when Anal-Me does something so shockingly efficient and helpful!!!  Oh I was a happy girl today when I realized that I wouldn’t have to go out and buy Windows 7 for a shitload of money (more than the cost of the hard drive).  That just makes my day . . . . YESSSS!!

So I’ve already gone to Colorado and come back to Florida, wow, that was quick!  I must admit to quite the little mood crash when I returned from Colorado, coming from the loving bosom of my large family and being engaged with people practically 24/7 to . . . nothing.  One of my “kind-of” friends here invited me over for drinks on the first night I was back but I just couldn’t do it – too tired.  Then I didn’t hear from him again, even on New Year’s!  I did smuggle home some marijuana lozenges and on New Year’s Eve I got completely smashed on said lozenges and Grey Goose vodka.  All by myself.  That’s very alcoholic-sounding, isn’t it?  Well I paid through the nose…literally, puking, even through the nose, late that night and most of the next day.  Why oh why does it EVER seem like a good idea to get drunk?  I really don’t know.  I see that vodka bottle in my freezer now and I just say “FUCK YOU” to it every time I see it.  Sooner or later it will sneak up on me again and say “Heyyyy babyyyyy here’s a good time, just have a little . . .” and off I will go.  I know!  Not.  Good.

Well I am getting together with my Meetup group that used to meet up on Thursdays, tonight (minus the founder of the Meetup, who was a dick, who stepped down from running the Meetup and it died because no one took it over).  It will be nice to see the other people, chat, have A (one) drink, eat some Mexican food, blah blah blah.  It will be good to have some company.  The Florida weather has bounced back to sunny and warm after being dismal, rainy and grey earlier in the week.  I need to wrap this up and head over to the beach for my daily constitutional.  Hope you are all well in this new year, good luck with those resolutions!  So far I have resolved to stay alive.  That has to be enough for now.  Peach out homies!!