What goes up . . .

Well I am finally done having visitors.  First, my parents were here for two and a half weeks.  I honestly didn’t know how I would handle so much time with others since I’m used to being alone, alone, alone but it was really good to have the ‘rents here.  Then, just as they were leaving, my sister M came for a long weekend to celebrate her fiftieth birthday.  We are so close and we had just a wonderful time.  Talking about everything in the world, going to the beach, walking here there and everywhere, laughing, and, my gift to her, swimming with the manatees.  Yes.  It was incredible and I highly recommend it, if you ever have the chance!!  We spent two and a half glorious hours in the waters of Homosassa Springs, snorkeling about with these gentle giants.  It was spectacular!!  I just tooled around in the water, saying “Thank you, God!  Thank you God!”

I was so sad to drop my sister off at the airport on Monday afternoon.  What a downer to be alone again.  I had an ECT treatment yesterday, and they made me take a drug test!  Why?  I don’t know.  I really don’t like this ECT provider at all.  And I don’t know if the ECT is helping.  At first, I thought yes.  Then today, when I just plain didn’t want to wake up, I said, why do I bother?

Well, time to find some other meaning in my life.  I can’t just live from one visit to the other.  I think I might go to the botanical gardens today.  I think getting out of my comfort zone and doing new things is good for me.  I did a lot of it while my parents were here and I need to keep it up.

So, how is life in your world? ❤

11 thoughts on “What goes up . . .

  1. You must be exhausted! That alone might make you think you are depressed. Catch up on your rest and then see how you feel 🙂 It is normal I think that you would feel how you do to be suddenly alone 😦 xoxo

    • I am only having unilateral ECT so it’s not fucking with my short term memory really (the bilateral majorly fucked me up) but really I DO wonder what it’s doing to my mood . . . maybe the hangover from the anesthesia is a part of it? They use Propofol here, in Colorado they used Ketamine which is known to help with depression. I don’t know . . .

      • I stopped because I became more depressed the the 16 treatments I had. The anesthesia definitely contributed to that, as I was totally hung-over afterwards, and non-functioning for the rest of the day. It was an awful feeling. I don’t even know what type of anesthesia was used.

        During that time, I had no recollection of my birthday party, a lecture I attended, and who knows what else. Wiped out. Totally. Irreversibly. Lost memories.

        I attended a DBSA support group and one woman who had ECT was in and out of a relationship in 6 months, and had no memory of what had happened during that time!

        NMHI is currently doing a study on Ketamine. Apparently, it may be the answer – at least for some.

      • That is TERRIBLE that you had such severe memory loss!! I definitely lost some when I was on the bilateral. It does bother me to lose the whole day after a treatment due to having to sleep off the anesthesia. I think the Propofol definitely has a different (and worse) effect as opposed to the Ketamine.

  2. I hate it when you’re not sure if a med or treatment is working properly and you second guess things because if you weren’t on it would you be a thousand times worse or better or who knows lol makes my brain hurt a little. I’m usually reluctant to have visitors as most people grate on me after a few days if not minutes lol but there’s always a small handful of people I find a delight to be around. You’re not alone now you have us, but I do admit company is a must. You’re still new to where you are, you will find a way to inject yourself into the community somehow and company will follow as you are a beautiful wonderful person who deserves wonderful friends and you shall have them xo

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