I’m Not Dead

Usually when someone stops writing, particularly someone in this genre (mental illness), I start to wonder if they’re dead.  So, just so you know, I’m not dead.  Here’s what’s on my mind at the moment . . .

I’m already completely sick of Caitlyn Jenner. SICK!! Does she think that being everywhere (and I DO mean everywhere, this morning when I took a shit there she was in my toilet!) is going to make her new series a success? Well guess what, Caitlyn Jenner! I am already so sick of you, there’s no way in the fucking world that I’ll watch the series chronicling your totally rich-as-fuck life as you transition or whatever. You know what? Being so rich that you can live at the beach in a mansion and buy $500,000 cars takes the sting out of a lot. So don’t expect me to have oodles of compassion for you. You’ll be ok. You can buy whatever you need. Including a compassionate therapist. Or twenty of them.

Colorado is experiencing climate change. I know people think it’s up for debate, but this is the wettest spring and summer I have ever experienced in this state. We have had so much snow (Snow in Spring, including the day I returned to Colorado from Florida, which was a total insult) and so much rain (this Summer, it’s still going on!!) that this joint they call Colorado is totally and atypically GREEN as fuck!!! It’s also buggy. Not buggy like the South but still! The mosquitoes have West Nile Virus and every time I turn around it seems like I have another mosquito bite. I swear to GOD I better not get West Nile Virus!!

I haven’t had ECT since I left Florida, so I haven’t had ECT since March. This is the longest I’ve gone since I started in December of 2013. I’ve been glad to get away from it. My mood has been all over the place, including but not limited to passive and active suicidal ideation, blandness, hopefulness, grief over a life not well-lived, and dogged determination to do better and get better. I’d say that right now I’m in the very last stage mentioned. So, I hope that taking too much Advil for chronic pain doesn’t kill me, now that I kind of want to live. Have you heard all the recent shit-talking regarding Ibuprofen and how it can cause heart attacks, strokes, and general death? It’s a bit alarming. And I’ll take an A+ for the most excellent jump from one subject to another unrelated one in a paragraph! YEAH! Such writing!!

Well now that I’ve broken my writing fast, I will try to write more regularly again. See you in a week! BPOF

6 thoughts on “I’m Not Dead

  1. Oh Bi, you are okay!😌
    Thank you for sharing about CJ. And while I’m on the subject, does anyone else care to remember that Bruce Jenner (accidentally) killed an innocent person? Where’s the consideration, the remorse?
    Good God.
    So glad you are back.
    🐴Gf

  2. OMG I thought I was the only one sick of Jenner. I cannot stand the amount of attention she has received. I think that so many people have the hard life as a transgender without getting the love, admiration and support that she’s getting. I know all about ending stigma, we all do. There’s no bipolar person getting their own show, getting a Arthur Ashe Courage Award, cashing in on the attention, etc.
    I hope I worded that right. I hate the attention getter, not the stigma.
    ANYWAY I am glad you’re ok. And I am an avid fan of the ramble posts btw

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