The Substances, OH The Substances!!!

Well, many of you know that I reside in the People’s Republic of Boulder, Colorado, where marijuana can be purchased on nearly any block of this small city.  At a store.  Legally.  I have been abstaining from substance use and abuse, both marijuana and alcohol, for quite a few months now. They both make my depression worse. I usually like to use Indica (In Da Couch, or the kind of pot that just knocks your ass out) at the end of the day to wind down. I don’t have much use for Sativa, which is more energizing, because I don’t want to be stoned during the day. I want to get stoned at night and sleep like a log. But what I find happens when I use Indica is that almost immediately, 1) I start using it every day, and 2) I do NOT want to be around people! Not just when I’m stoned, but the next day too. Which is REALLY bad for my depression, because I already tend to isolate. Indica makes me want to hyper-isolate. So, for all of these reasons, it’s best that I don’t use substances.

What I’m finding now that I’m living with my sister and her two kids again, and participating more in their lives as a member of the family, not just participating but contributing, is that by the end of the day I can be pretty exhausted. A lot of days, I haven’t had time to myself, which I’m used to having (loads of it). Since I’m more introverted, I recharge my batteries with alone time. By the end of the day, I feel like I want to wind down by using substances. I guess for me using substances would be a shortcut to get chilled out. I want the buzz, man!!!! I want it bad!!! Some days I just want a drink so bad, JUST ONE, but in addition to being worried about getting back on the substance abuse roller coaster, I’m super-worried about how alcohol might impact my medication cocktail, which is substantial. I don’t take just one or two meds, no way, man I’m COMPLICATED!! I think I’m on about TEN!! Not just psychiatric, but other stuff too. So some nights when I really want a drink, I mix up a glass of Pure Raspberry Lemonade or Cherry Limeade. No this is not an advertisement, I just want you to know that brand because THE SHIT IS GOOD!!! I think it might be made with Stevia as the sweetener. Anyway, it has a kind of tang that somewhat satisfies my craving for a drink.

Long post, but I know I’m not the only Bipolar who has and does struggle with substance abuse issues. Please share how you “deal” too. I’m off for a life-affirming hike. Peach out and LOVE!

4 thoughts on “The Substances, OH The Substances!!!

  1. I used to deal with alcohol but I quit cold-turkey when I started my MAOI – totally worth the sacrifice. I’ve never been a smoker. Took MM for insomnia and it helped for a while (I ate capsules instead of inhaling…..) Of course 99% of those with bp struggle with substance abuse crap. My current problem is sugar & food in general. I’ve always had challenges but taking Seroquel made it a lot worse. I’m not dealing too well….I got off Seroquel only to go back on it last month (15 mg/night)when I got hypo at the conference, so I guess I need to taper off it to see if that helps me deal better! I don’t want to go to OA (I did in the past) but I can discuss with Ina. (my therapist) 🙂 XOXOXOOXOOOXOOO That pure raspberry lemonade sounds SO GOOD – it’s a heat wave here and I’d kill for a glass!!!!!! I’m proud of you for resisting booze – after watching it kill my brother-in-law 2 weeks ago (and my mother-in-law in 2013) I’ve really changed how I regard alcohol. I look at it as evil, but believe me I miss the buzz. :(((((((((

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