Halloween Rantgasm

Really, is there any night like Halloween to go on a ranting binge? Yes?  No?  I agree!  Hmmm let’s see well I may have been set off by a sister and her idiotic text to me, here it is verbatim:  “I didn’t buy Halloween candy since I wasn’t going to be there to pass it out. So I doubt that you will want to answer the door tonight. Leave the porch light off.  I’ll be home later.”  Where oh where do I begin with this?  Would I not know not to answer the door?  And WHOA!  MAN!  Exactly where and how did she come up with the Ninja tactic of leaving the porch light off?????  I may have thought to blow out the candle on the jack o’lantern, but LEAVE THE PORCH LIGHT OFF??  I mean, what is she doing?  Hacking the dark web??  I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS.  AND why oh fucking WHY can’t I text her in bold on my fucking iPhone in a HUGE fucking font that fills the screen with


So. I texted her back.  Several hours later.  Several beers later.  “Thanks for telling me that magic trick about leaving the porch light off-30 years living on my own and I never even heard of that!”  And then to make it seem like I’m joking (and to totally mindfuck her) a bunch of pumpkin emojis!  Psych!

Uh. Yeah. There may be a problem with this sister being a bit Superior with a capital “S” and treating me like I’m a total idiot/mental case/child. At these times, a rage reaction ensues.  To my credit, I did take a long walk, fueled by negative thoughts, such as “earn your alcohol”, and, “the faster you walk, the sooner you can drink”, oh, and when I got a sideache, “Maybe it’s appendicitis, you’ll lose weight!”  So, even though it’s negative, it fueled me to have a totally fast, healthy walk.  I win!!

Hope you’re out there breaking up some fucking pumpkins with the best of them. Peach out.

Martha Stewart On Crack Is BACK, Baby!!

Ok, there’s no doubt that crack is whack. But calling myself Martha Stewart On Crack is just the best way to illustrate the wacko-but-awesome creations that I have been coming up with as of late.  The lime-green fur ottoman is a thing of beauty, BEAUTY!!  After a TWO YEAR hiatus of no creativity, it’s fucking good to have it back!!!  It’s been a painful two years.  I have no doubt that various and sundry mood stabilizers robbed me of said creativity, those mood stabilizers (or as I like to call them, Zombie-Inducing Devil Pills) would be Lamotrigine and Clozaril.  Of course as you know, Clozaril gave me the added bonus of thirty extra pounds.  Yayyy!  But I digress.

For someone who is artistic-like, I can’t even tell you how joyful it is to be back in the flow. And how sad the last two years were without my creativity!  It’s just, like, I feel alive again!  I have projects!  I wake up in the morning excited to do things!  And when I finish one thing, I gotta have another project waiting in the wings.  My nephew is the same way.  He is even more creative.  And what do we have in common?  We both are on my arch-nemesis:  Abilify!  What the fuck is in this shit??  I mean, they have some funkified commercials, but now I’m starting to drink the Kool Aid!!  (Whispering) I think it might be working.  Don’t tell anybody.  It’s torture to admit.

Ok, get ready, here comes the u-turn….and I flipped the bitch! Just HAD to tell you that I just listened to the audio-book version of Jenny Lawson’s (The Blogess) new book, Furiously Happy, and goddammit if you suffer from any kind of mental illness and/or if you like to laugh, YOU MUST GET THIS BOOK!!!  This woman is out loud and proud about her mental illness, and so fucking funny about it at the same time!!  And I just felt so GRATEFUL to her for telling the truth, the hard sad truth and the funny truth and the crude foul-mouthed fucked-up truth about living with mental illness!  It is so! Worth! The Read!  Or the listen!!  Do it.

Well, Peaches and Herb, that’s it for now. Notice how I didn’t even mention those fucking Republicans trashing up MY TOWN last night??  I am denying their existence.  Peach to yer Mama!

It’s 6:49 am.

It’s 6:49 in the morning. Got up at 6:15. The deal on Thursdays and Fridays is that I take my niece to school and pick her up afterwards. It’s one of the ways that I contribute to the household. Yeah. I’m a stupid ass. I VOLUNTEERED to do this. Mornings like this one after a night where I woke up every hour, on the hour, I am reminded of what a grandiose and generous shit I can be. And I’m not the kind of person who can get up ten minutes before, throw some water on my face, and run out the door. Oh no! It takes me awhile to wake up. So I have to get up way earlier than our departure time. Oh goodie grunt shit I cannot WAIT until the snow flies!! Then this will REALLY be a party! Well it’s not Nieceie’s fault, so I won’t be an asshole to her. I’ll enjoy some concentrated time with her. We usually hop in the car, right on time or two minutes late, and she promptly commandeers the radio and both cell phones, ready for any and all radio contests. She and her cousin have already won once, tickets to a corn maze eighty miles away. Those tickets were dutifully picked up by me, one hour’s drive in each direction, but have yet to be redeemed. The parents are fighting for the right to drive to that one. Ha. The name of the station is The Party, nickname The Taylor Swift Station. Oh how I love it!!

As I eat my morning granola which is as hard as teeth, I think it’s time to switch to a new breakfast. Some pain doctor last week suggested the dreaded words no one wants to hear: Gluten Free. I am still thinking about it. I should say researching it. That is how intelligent people procrastinate.

Well it’s off to school and then an adventure to Denver to look at granite for my sister’s countertop. LIFE JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER! I hope I don’t poop with the excitement. See you soon, my friends. Keep eating those peaches!!

Funniness From The Way Back Machine

Oh! Oh my!  This one is a side-splitter!!  That Bipolaronfire sure is one hell of a smart ass!!  It’s good to see that two and a half years ago, just out of the looney bin, I was kicking ass and taking names.  It’s always important to keep those “Mental Health Professionals” on their toes.  Let’s make this a great day, people!  Go for the belly laugh.

Demi Lovato Naked…Yet She Has No Asshole!

Free The Asshole!!  REALLY.  Demi.  Baby.  You go on and on about how hard you have worked to be “ok with the skin you’re in” and all, and you claim to be in unretouched photos, but you have no asshole!!!  How can this be??  Here’s the link to the page and video:  http://www.tmz.com/2015/10/02/demi-lovato-vanity-fair-naked/?source=gravity  I just have to know, how can this be?  Is it true?  Are Hollywood Starlets having their assholes removed, because they no longer have a need to poop?  Is drinking all their meals and peeing sufficient?  Is being asshole-less The New Black?    In 3…..2…..1 the entire Kardashian/Jenner family will pose naked, bent over, showing us their vast, gargantuan LA-engorged silicone asses without the asshole!  I can’t wait.  I’m SICK of having an asshole.  I’m going to get on a waiting list RIGHT NOW for financial aid for asshole removal.  DEMI GIRL YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’VE STARTED BUT I’M IN!!!

Feeling Threatened

Ewwww I had an UGLY confrontation with my sister’s ex-husband this morning.  He is, in general, a very angry person, full of vitriol, and the world is out to get him.  Today, he got upset that his daughter wasn’t home when he came to pick up the two kids (we’d walked to the grocery store, innocently, I’d asked the kids numerous times if their Dad had called and they hadn’t heard from him.  We were gone about twenty minutes).  He blew up at me and said he just had to confront me for robbing him of his time with his kids because he always comes to pick them up at the same time and I should have known that and respected that.  When I respectfully disagreed, he really lost it.  I just walked away and closed the garage door on him as he yelled.  Then he had the gall to open the front door of our house as the kids got in the car, the house that he is not allowed to enter, the house that he had come into and had breakfast, and tried yelling at me again, and I lost it.  I told him to get the fuck out and slammed the door in his face and locked it, at which time I got called a psycho and a c-word.  You know HE didn’t say “c-word”.  Haha.  I would have laughed at that.  No.  It was gross and ugly and hostile.

I know.  Why do I have to tell the whole damn story?  Well, I’m traumatized.  I’m not used to such dramatic and ugly confrontations.  There was a time in my wayyyyyyyy back, that this kind of interaction was commonplace.  Now, I don’t allow this in my life.  And the fact that he shoved his dysfunction and ugliness into my life really has me troubled, and feeling violated.  I want to call the police and get an order of protection.  I want to buy a gun.  I want to keep him away from me.  I want to not be a victim, for sure.

I think I will call my therapist tomorrow, and see if I can see her sooner in the week.  As someone who has experienced domestic violence, this really pushes my buttons.  It makes me feel very much in danger.  I do think this person is capable of violence.  It’s hard for me to know where the lines are.  I need to feel safe again.  I quit smoking six months ago and I wanted to smoke SO BAD today!!  For me, smoking cigarettes is such a feeling medicator.  I just had to keep telling myself that a) Smoking will not make me safe, and b) I am done with that.  And I have to keep being done with that.

And done with violence.  Both verbal and physical.  I have to figure this out.  I must be protected.  Safety is job #1.  More to come…

Season Changing, Where The Fuck Will My Mood Go?


Oh my GARSHES can I feel the season changing, and I have Seasonal Affective Disorder worse than anyone else I have ever seen. I think Dr. Drugs would sign off on that statement as well. He makes it a practice to tell me how fragile my mood is. Thanks, my good Doctor! Anyhoo, I can sure feel the change, I mean FEEL it, with the days shortening. That’s the first thing I notice. My brain is like, “Light, don’t gooooooo!” Then, it is cooling off. Boo. Hoo. As I was taking a walk (slow walk, having just had a gigantor two-week pain episode), I thought to myself, can I gracefully walk through this season? Better yet, can I just plain WALK through this season change? Without a crash? Without a hospitalization? That is the question.

I can’t run to Florida this winter. I am living with my sister and her two kids now, happily ensconced in my own giant finished basement we call The Apartment, SO HAPPY to be with my belongings again, and fully participating in the family unit. I’m committed to taking my nephew to sewing class on Monday afternoons (so proud of him, that’s another story, but he’s seen me sewing and begged to learn), and I take my niece to and from school on Thursdays and Fridays. So I can’t just run off. Apart from that, I fill my days with oodles of medical and mental health appointments, see my parents, home projects (I love being productive), and, here’s a happy announcement, CREATIVE PROJECTS!!! Yes, as I suspected, a FUCKING DRUG was what was robbing me of my creativity for the last year and a half. My sisters and Dr. Drugs like to remind me that Clozaril saved my life, and maybe it did, but it sure robbed me of a lot of shit in the process. Now that I’m off it, my creativity has returned, which equals opportunities for joy and satisfaction in a job well done. At the moment, I am doing some sewing projects for my niece’s bedroom. So far, I have recovered a chair cushion and re-created a fabric basket (that goes in a wicker basket) in matching fabric. Now I am working on basket #2, and subsequent to that I will cover some lampshades. Once that’s done, Niece’s room will be so wildly and awesomely matchy-matchy, I might just explode with pleasure. That sounds like an orgasm. I guess it’s a creative orgasm.

Another personality trait that I feel returning is the socializing desire. While on Clozaril, I either did not want to socialize, or when in Florida I was lonely and wanted friends, but still did not want to socialize, but I forced myself. Now, I can visualize seeing my friends and spending time with them. I am chatting with them online. I want to spend time with friends. I’m actually making plans to spend time with friends. All good stuff that I hope to continue through the winter. I’m hoping to get into an exercise habit, and keep it going through the winter, because I find that exercise helps my depression between 50 and 95%, i.e. I am fifty to ninety five percent happier when I exercise. Face it. It just fucking helps the mood! Even if it’s a slow, lazy walk. Getting my ass out there helps. I’ve already bought a new down coat for winter that I think will help, and next I need to find a super-good pair of boots with good traction, and a good fit. If only Altra, my new favorite shoe company, would make boots!! I have asked them, but so far they have said “no”. They don’t know the market they’re missing out on!!!

Well I finally have the house to myself and some time to myself, the kids have gone off with their father for the weekend, and my dear sister is at work. I am going to go enjoy some sewing and then later on, of course, a walk. Above is a pic from a walk earlier in the week. Hope your week has been fantastical, or at least, didn’t suck! PEACH OUT HOMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!