Ewwww I had an UGLY confrontation with my sister’s ex-husband this morning. He is, in general, a very angry person, full of vitriol, and the world is out to get him. Today, he got upset that his daughter wasn’t home when he came to pick up the two kids (we’d walked to the grocery store, innocently, I’d asked the kids numerous times if their Dad had called and they hadn’t heard from him. We were gone about twenty minutes). He blew up at me and said he just had to confront me for robbing him of his time with his kids because he always comes to pick them up at the same time and I should have known that and respected that. When I respectfully disagreed, he really lost it. I just walked away and closed the garage door on him as he yelled. Then he had the gall to open the front door of our house as the kids got in the car, the house that he is not allowed to enter, the house that he had come into and had breakfast, and tried yelling at me again, and I lost it. I told him to get the fuck out and slammed the door in his face and locked it, at which time I got called a psycho and a c-word. You know HE didn’t say “c-word”. Haha. I would have laughed at that. No. It was gross and ugly and hostile.
I know. Why do I have to tell the whole damn story? Well, I’m traumatized. I’m not used to such dramatic and ugly confrontations. There was a time in my wayyyyyyyy back, that this kind of interaction was commonplace. Now, I don’t allow this in my life. And the fact that he shoved his dysfunction and ugliness into my life really has me troubled, and feeling violated. I want to call the police and get an order of protection. I want to buy a gun. I want to keep him away from me. I want to not be a victim, for sure.
I think I will call my therapist tomorrow, and see if I can see her sooner in the week. As someone who has experienced domestic violence, this really pushes my buttons. It makes me feel very much in danger. I do think this person is capable of violence. It’s hard for me to know where the lines are. I need to feel safe again. I quit smoking six months ago and I wanted to smoke SO BAD today!! For me, smoking cigarettes is such a feeling medicator. I just had to keep telling myself that a) Smoking will not make me safe, and b) I am done with that. And I have to keep being done with that.
And done with violence. Both verbal and physical. I have to figure this out. I must be protected. Safety is job #1. More to come…