Really, is there any night like Halloween to go on a ranting binge? Yes? No? I agree! Hmmm let’s see well I may have been set off by a sister and her idiotic text to me, here it is verbatim: “I didn’t buy Halloween candy since I wasn’t going to be there to pass it out. So I doubt that you will want to answer the door tonight. Leave the porch light off. I’ll be home later.” Where oh where do I begin with this? Would I not know not to answer the door? And WHOA! MAN! Exactly where and how did she come up with the Ninja tactic of leaving the porch light off????? I may have thought to blow out the candle on the jack o’lantern, but LEAVE THE PORCH LIGHT OFF?? I mean, what is she doing? Hacking the dark web?? I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS. AND why oh fucking WHY can’t I text her in bold on my fucking iPhone in a HUGE fucking font that fills the screen with
So. I texted her back. Several hours later. Several beers later. “Thanks for telling me that magic trick about leaving the porch light off-30 years living on my own and I never even heard of that!” And then to make it seem like I’m joking (and to totally mindfuck her) a bunch of pumpkin emojis! Psych!
Uh. Yeah. There may be a problem with this sister being a bit Superior with a capital “S” and treating me like I’m a total idiot/mental case/child. At these times, a rage reaction ensues. To my credit, I did take a long walk, fueled by negative thoughts, such as “earn your alcohol”, and, “the faster you walk, the sooner you can drink”, oh, and when I got a sideache, “Maybe it’s appendicitis, you’ll lose weight!” So, even though it’s negative, it fueled me to have a totally fast, healthy walk. I win!!
Hope you’re out there breaking up some fucking pumpkins with the best of them. Peach out.