Do ya know why they’re called the screen door shits?
Just once, I’d like to take a yoga class from a teacher with a fat ass.
If I had a dollar for every time I reminded my niece and nephew to say “please” and “thank you”, I’d make damn sure they were the two rudest little fuckers you ever saw.
When I’m in traffic, and I’m nice, and let you in to my lane, even though there’s no damn room, give me a fuckin’ wave. Or I will hit you.
Dr. Drugs, don’t have a long-ass appointment with me, and then at the very end write out a script for the wrong quantity, and when I tell you it’s too small a dose, say “JUST DO IT.” Because I won’t. And I’ll slash your tires. If I ever figure out what car you drive. And grow some balls.
Roommate a.k.a. Sister, don’t EVER start a sentence with “I’m gonna need you to…” You’ll guarantee a pissed off sister and bonus, total inaction.
Your peach, BPOF