The National Football League is a no-brainer to go route out ISIS. They are smart, strong, capable, close-knit teams of warriors who know how to take orders. They have many and varied skills and could find and kill ISIS soldiers in a New York Minute. The competition is the same: Broncos vs. The Chiefs in who can kill the most ISIS fighters. I can see Peyton Manning lobbing a hand grenade for 75 yards, completely obliterating an ISIS stronghold. The Orange Crush busting through their makeshift landmines and Aqib Talib poking eyes out left and right.
As far as other teams, Tom Brady might lob a pop can filled with sand that would surely land on an ISIS fighter’s head and give him quite a goose egg. Then the Offensive Line could move in in a moment of weakness and kick the shit out of him. Teams would engage in hand-to-hand combat and pants the ISIS fighters to show how many they took down. Each pair of pants would result in a score for that team.
The Superbowl would be held in Syria, with opposing teams fighting to take Tikrit back from ISIS. Both teams, wearing their uniforms but with AK-47’s slung over their backs, shooting to kill, or if they felt like it, killing to shoot. Either is an option in the NFL. The winner of the Superbowl would become honorary Heads of State in Tikrit, bringing peace and good fortune to all.
This may sound like a longshot but we’ve got to engage in some creative thinking where ISIS is concerned, something our world leaders have failed to do. Let’s get this message of NFL ass-kicking out there and see what can be done! ISIS must be defeated at all costs!! WE ARE WITH YOU, FRANCE!! VIVE LA NFL!! VIVE LA FRANCE!!