I have been so excited to lose the Clozaril weight, so far 24 of 33 pounds, but now! I am stuck. It is so hard for me to accept that I’m not making progress. I am still exercising every day, but somehow the weight is sticking. I think it may be that I’m not as disciplined in my eating as I was. Part of me wants to say “fuck it, I give up”, but another part says “Goddamn it I will be the fittest fat person you have ever seen!” What are you gonna do? Giving up sounds depressing. I’ve done enough giving up in my life. I can’t give up on the daily exercise, anyway. It’s one of my “pills”. And, even though I have to force myself to do it, once I start doing it, it feels good! And afterwards, I feel even better. So, maybe I should just focus on doing what’s right for me and let go of the goddamn results. Which will come when they feel like it. Or actually, I’m sure I’m accumulating results of the exercise every single day that I do it, it’s just that it’s not visible to the naked eye. Over time, it will be. I think this is true for a lot of the investments we make in ourselves. Change can be a long damn time in coming, but it takes that daily or weekly or monthly investment, whether it’s exercise, or therapy, or financial investment, whatever, it adds up. I know it’ll definitely add up in the opposite direction if I stop exercising and start eating sugar again, on that I can depend. I guess I need to have a little faith. Oh ye of little faith! Is that a bible verse? If so I apologize. But that’s me. I want it all NOW. After a really hard workout, I feel like I should be skinny, like, NOW! That should do it! If only…..