Weight, You’re Such A Bitch!

I have been so excited to lose the Clozaril weight, so far 24 of 33 pounds, but now! I am stuck.  It is so hard for me to accept that I’m not making progress.  I am still exercising every day, but somehow the weight is sticking.  I think it may be that I’m not as disciplined in my eating as I was.  Part of me wants to say “fuck it, I give up”, but another part says “Goddamn it I will be the fittest fat person you have ever seen!”  What are you gonna do?  Giving up sounds depressing.  I’ve done enough giving up in my life.  I can’t give up on the daily exercise, anyway.  It’s one of my “pills”.  And, even though I have to force myself to do it, once I start doing it, it feels good!  And afterwards, I feel even better.  So, maybe I should just focus on doing what’s right for me and let go of the goddamn results.  Which will come when they feel like it.  Or actually, I’m sure I’m accumulating results of the exercise every single day that I do it, it’s just that it’s not visible to the naked eye.  Over time, it will be.  I think this is true for a lot of the investments we make in ourselves.  Change can be a long damn time in coming, but it takes that daily or weekly or monthly investment, whether it’s exercise, or therapy, or financial investment, whatever, it adds up.  I know it’ll definitely add up in the opposite direction if I stop exercising and start eating sugar again, on that I can depend.  I guess I need to have a little faith.  Oh ye of little faith!  Is that a bible verse?  If so I apologize.  But that’s me.  I want it all NOW.  After a really hard workout, I feel like I should be skinny, like, NOW!  That should do it!  If only…..

13 thoughts on “Weight, You’re Such A Bitch!

  1. You have done AMAZING!LY WELL!!!
    Now, you are SO CLOSE to your goal.
    How much water do you drink a day?

    As a former certified personal trainer (American Council on Exercise) I’m cautious about advising stuff. You don’t want to OD on water or have too much of it mess with your med levels. I drank a certain amount of water a day that it lowered the lithium level in my body and I became hypomanic. I learned that lesson!

    BUT if you up your H20 intake I believe that it fires things up with the metabolism. I know because it did for me. Generally the Mayo Clinic people say to transfer your body weight into ounces and then cut that # in half.

    Drink that halved amount spaced throughout a day (check me on this!)
    So if I’m 150 pounds (I wish) I half that, which is 75, and that means I drink 75 ounces spaced throughout day.

    When I was hardcore, I’d drink an 8 oz glass of water every hour I was awake.
    Others will disagree with me about this premise, but like I said, I did it. It helped me lose weight without doing anything drastic.
    Does this sound do-able?

  2. Stick with it, you’ll start seeing results, you are doing really well, exercising daily! We can skypercise together if you want :-))) Just do it, that’s all I have to say! Oh and you go girl!

  3. What kind of exercise to you do? I taking running and yoga “pills” and it works pretty well. Dyanne has me thinking about water intake. I drink a TON of water, and obviously I then pee a lot. I never thought about it possibly lowering my medication levels. Hmm.

    I wish you all the luck, and yes, it takes a long time and a whole lotta faith. Hugs!!

    p.s. I will be mad at you if you give up. (Are we getting to know each other enough for me to say that without you taking it personally?! I hope so 🙂

    • I do the exercise machines at the gym mostly, although when it’s nice weather I love to walk and HIKE!! Right now it’s the elliptical and this kinda stairish-stepperish thing, with moving arms, I don’t know what the fuck it is but it’s murder on the quads so I know it’s good. And you’re welcome to threathen getting mad at me 😉 I’m not giving up even if I want to.

  4. You’re right, change is a long time in the making. And personally, all the exercise? I think you may have gained some muscle which is why the scale is static. Try shifting your focus. Do it for the feel good factor and not the weight loss. The weightloss will come in good time. But for now I admire your self-discipline, your stubborn refusal to give up. Remember YOU ARE A CHAMPION. I have every faith in your ability to lose those few extra pounds xxx ❤

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