Up and Down

Really, I could legitimately title every post as “Up and Down”. It’s the story of my life.  It’s the story of the Bipolar.  Having lost my income is the niggling worm that’s always in the back of my mind, telling me “YOU’RE GOING DOWNNNNNNN” and I have a hard time functioning, or living in a state of hope, when things look so bleak.  I’ve tried for a few part-time jobs and haven’t even managed to get an interview.  Shit, even I wouldn’t interview someone who hasn’t worked in two years.  It doesn’t look good.

So, that’s the down. It threatens to bring all of me down.  But, in my darkness the light has also snuck in.  I took a power walk on Saturday, which was a beautiful Spring-like day, and saw buds on a lot of the trees.   Even though I felt somewhat like shit on that walk, I took an inventory of what I was grateful for.  It’s a hard discipline but time and again it has proven helpful. I also took care of my niece and nephew this weekend and got to nurture them a little.  I asked my nephew, “Who loves you SO MUCH?” and he responded “YOU DO!”  —  good answer, nephew.  It lifts me up to show those little suckers some love.

Today I’m doing what didn’t get done over the weekend, like laundry, and prescriptions (continual pain in my ass). I’ll also go to the grocery store.  You know, Life Administration.  The shit that falls by the wayside so easily when you don’t feel 100%.  Thunderstorms are forecast for today, and although I don’t love the gray days, I do love that it’s not snow!  In Colorado it’s common to have snow through April, so I’m grateful for the warm weather we’ve been having.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but today, I guess I’m ok. I’m functioning.  I’m going to look some more for part-time jobs.  I’m trying to be open to the creative spark – maybe something I haven’t thought of before will materialize.  Oh, and I’m going to tweet, lots of tweets.  New addiction alert!  Twitter!  (Follow me on my abrupt left-turn here).  I’ve been on Twitter for awhile, but all of a sudden I’m addicted to it!  I guess it beats the shit out of sugar, or pot (current status, not a stoner), or alcohol.  I have to pick my poison, and this my choice of evils.  Shameless plug:  Follow me on Twitter:  @bipolaronfire

Ok, time to brush my teeth and get on with the day! Yes!  I am going to DO something today!  Wishing you all a great week!  Peach out!  BPOF.

17 thoughts on “Up and Down

  1. Hey peach, it’s your fellow Twitter addict!
    I LOVE IT. Did you see this tweet I just fired off?

    “Model yourself after the daffodil. Have the courage to push your head up out of the darkness.
    Madeleine L’Engle”

    You sound solid. I know you wrote of that “I’m going down” voice – Ugh, I know it….but you’re going to push your head up out of the darkness like those daffodils, ya hear?

    As long as you don’t post about joining Trump’s evil side, I’ll know you’re doing well and all synapses are firing just fine! 😉

    I have a horrid cold as I write this reply – chills, fever, sore eyes, a constant waterfall coming out of my red schnoz and sneezes galore. What fun. Forgive me for this not being the best comment, but know that I love you all the same….

    I’m proud of you for getting out of the house to do “Life Administration” – that’s great!

    Keep us posted on those ups and downs – we get it.

  2. I really like this post. It is SO hopeful and i love the part about your niece and nephew. Today I’m really working on the grateful part too. Thanks for sharing. Really appreciate it!

  3. It seems like I can never quite keep up with what you call Life Administration tasks.. I need to consolidate to 1 pharmacy but it took so long to get the ones I have set up, I don’t want to ruin a good thing. Laundry, dishes, tidying, it never ends. And some days I just don’t know where to start. But luckily, those things are on my agenda today. Getting stuff done!! Feels so good! Thanks for the words.

  4. Hang in there. It hits me right in the gut because I do so understand! Glad you’re getting out. That’s a great sign! You sound determined! 🙂

    • Thanks Brenda. It’s hard dealing with the incompetent fucks at Walgreens without cussing them out but somehow I managed to do so. Groceries, *some* prescriptions, laundry almost done….now to exercise! Phew! Functioning ain’t for wimps.

      • I know what you mean! But if you just keep going, pretty soon you will level out. Or is that the way it happens for you? It does for me. It’s a lot of work to keep your life going when you’re not leveled out! It’s hard enough when you are. I appreciate the way you are able to express yourself. Keep us updated!

  5. Despite your frustration at not finding a job, your overall post sounds optimistic and maybe even a little cheerful. There are some people out there that will look over the fact you haven’t worked in two years. It may take you awhile, but you’ll find them. Wishing continued good luck on your job hunt.

  6. I feel ya on the job search. I too am having a difficult time landing even an interview. It really kind of just blows. I hope something pans out for you.

  7. Don’t give in to worry or doubt. I know that sounds ultra cheesy but it really makes a difference to just keep your head up. Things always always work out for good. Your in my thoughts!

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