The Spoon Theory And Why It’s Kinda Bullshit

You’ve heard the Spoon Theory, right? We all get a certain number of spoons per day.  Spoons equal energy, or spoons equal actions.  Once you use up your spoons, you’re done for the day.  You can’t do anything else.  And theoretically us bipolar types don’t get so many spoons (unless we’re manic, then there’s the dilemma of unlimited spoons).  So I totally get this and I ascribe to this and I consider myself to have very few spoons at my disposal.  SIDE NOTE:  Why spoons?  Why not forks?  Or tokens?  Gold coins?  I have no fucking idea.  I didn’t make this shit up.  I’ve only heard of it.  Some fuck said spoons so I’m going with it.  END SIDE NOTE. As I was saying, I don’t feel like I’m bursting with spoons.  I have a helluva time just getting up and showering, most days, let alone doing laundry or, God forbid, COOKING A MEAL!!  That would almost require hypomania for me.  But!  Then I get into crisis mode like I’m in now, with Dad in the hospital, and my Mom is sick with the cold that Dad had that turned into pneumonia.  All of this requires me to rise above the Spoon Theory.  And ya know what I call it when I can do wayyyyy more than I would ever think that I could? A State of Grace. That’s all I can think of!  It’s like the Universe, or the spoon giver, or whatever or whomever the fuck, said this chick needs to function on a higher level right now.  Let’s throw out every belief she has about how she thinks she can function, and give her a reprieve!  Because I am functioning at a level I could not have previously imagined.  I am there for my Dad and Mom.  I am driving all over creation, seeing my Mom, seeing my Dad, hanging in the hospital for hours, being in the moment, talking to my Dad, and accepting life as it is right now.  Who is this person?  This is not me!  This is some kind of gift!  I am supremely grateful for this time with my Dad.  Yes, when I get home, I’m tired, and I feel depleted, but in the moments that I’m meant to be of service to my family, I am able to do that, to help, to be present, to feed my Dad, get a nurse, whatever, with total serenity.  And no, I am absolutely not manic.  So what this tells me, is that theories like the Spoon Theory may have their place, but there are times when we can rise above our illness.  Maybe this will last for a few days, or maybe it will stretch for a few weeks, but for however long, I’m grateful to be the strong one for someone else, for a change.  And when I get in that car, and I feel like I just can’t do it, I remind myself that I am stronger than I think I am, and I can do more than I know.  And then I go.

16 thoughts on “The Spoon Theory And Why It’s Kinda Bullshit

  1. I’m glad you’re finding your extra cosmic spoons from wherever-the-hell they come from. Whatever ones I can send over the blogosphere are headed your way! You’re in my thoughts/prayers!

    (and I’m with you – I’ve heard that theory too – WHY SPOONS?? I have always wondered this).

  2. It’s spoons because she was in a restaurant when her friend asked her to explain what living with Lupus was like, and that was the easiest thing to hand to illustrate the lack of resources that living with a chronic disorder is. Seriously, it’s a short read in the scheme of things. :p

  3. This is so, so, so amazing, and inspiring to read.

    We are all going to be hit with serious Life Shit at some point or another, no matter how rich and blah blah we are.

    The fact that you are doing WAY more than you thought possible for one of the most significant events in a person’s life will always stay with me.

    And you’re not just doing stuff to get by – you’re truly being present for your Dad. This is beyond profound, and it’s the biggest gift you can give *him* aside from yourself.

    So damn proud of you!!!!!!!
    Love you!

  4. A state of grace is a beautiful way to put it. And you are incredibly strong and brave, a unique marvel of nature if you will. To be able to be there when your family needs you most must be very rewarding. I’m sending you loads of strength and stamina to see you through. And lots of love, of course, always lots of love ❤

  5. Agree. I just posted on her site that whole business has been built on this bullshit poor me, accept my limitations theory.

  6. Enjoyed this post and enjoy your blog! It’s something that has happened to me as well, a crisis happens and suddenly my mood disorder takes a back seat. Glad you are getting more spoons! In my self-critical depressive way I find a way to feel guilty about this. Like how can I suddenly respond so well and my mood disorder fade? Does it mean I’m self-indulgent? I don’t think so. I think there are times where the depression would be so bad I couldn’t handle it.

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