I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the time I tried to poison someone. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was five years old. There was a girl in our cul-de-sac, her name was Jennifer Joslin. Jennifer was a bully and was always mean to me. I didn’t like her and I was afraid of her. Well I had some little-girl perfume, and I remember my parents’ stern warnings not to DRINK the perfume, as it was POISON! Hmmmm…. My little mind wondered…poison? I tried mixing some of my perfume with water, and what a lovely milky color it turned! Problem solved. The next afternoon when Jennifer was out in the cul-de-sac, I mixed up my little potion of perfume and water in a drinking glass and walked out to Jennifer. “Hi Jennifer, ya want some milk?” I offered innocently. Jennifer took a swig and then spat it out angrily. “What IS this, POISON?” she shouted. I grabbed the glass and scurried home, certain I was in trouble. So much for murdering my nemesis. I was in for a spanking with Dad’s fraternity paddle!
I’m not sure what attempted murder at the age of five says about my character, but that’s honestly the last time I tried to kill someone. I think it’s kinda cute, though, how solution-oriented I was at five years old! See a problem, solve a problem. Very linear! Who knows, if I’d been successful, maybe I would have grown up to be a hit (wo)man! Oh well, what could have been. Instead, I went into IT. Go figure.