Well I’ve Been Up, And I’ve Been Down…

Seems like I should be strummin’ a banjo, huh.  Yoooooodelayheehoo!!!  Welllll I been up, I been down.  Ok…end of bad country song.  Beginning of story.

It’s been good, a good summer, overall, the weather is lovely, I’m working (or at least I was…) and feeling happy and productive.  Isn’t it amazing how a little output can make a person happy?  Well, judge it if you will but it fuckin’ made me feel good to do something.  And then?  Well we pretty much finished up the work.  There was only so much, importing these psychiatric files into this new system, and then, dunzo!  I still act like the doctor’s assistant and call in prescriptions for her (DID YOU KNOW that you can just call in to the pharmacy and say you work for so-and-so doctor, and you can authorize refills?!?!  What awesome power I have!!!  And what a lax system is in place!!!  But I digress..)  So I am left with my fantastic new color laser printer/scanner, my desk all setup, and not much to do.  HELP!

And then….I got the letter in the mail yesterday from SSI Disability that basically said, verbatim, “Fuck Off, Stop Appealing Our Decisions, You’re All Out of Appeals, Go The Fuck Away.”  IT SAID THAT!!!  It is all over and done with.  Someone with severe Bipolar Depression, over 45 ECT Treatments, multiple hospitalizations, off “real” work for 2 ½ years….doesn’t qualify for Disability.  So NOW I have to revise my life plan rather drastically and rather quickly to determine how in the hell I can support myself, and still like my life.  Because the past options resulted in me hating my life.  Oh lawdy my therapist is going to be earning that money tomorrow!!  She’s gonna BLEED!!!

Meanwhile, back at your ranch, what’s been shakin’?  Any new meat to report?

I Live Below Frankenstein

I live below Frankenstein, or as he may also be known, my fourteen-year-old nephew, and I spend a lot of my day and most of my night listening to him CLOMP-CLOMP-CLOMP around.  He is in some sort of training to be a great big oaf, I swear!  CLOMP-CLOMP-CLOMP goes the boy, oh and did I mention that he PACES because he’s on FUCKING ABILIFY (I curse thy name!) and FUCKING ABILIFY can give you hyperkinesia, or excessive movement for you dummies!  CLOMP-CLOMP-CLOMP is the background narration of my LIFE!  And it’s not like I can SAY anything to him, right?  Because I can’t ask the poor kid to censor his very movements so the Ol’ Broad Downstairs can have a little peace, can I?  No.  The answer is No.  Any other answer is assholian.  So can I just say that I’m a little bit happy that he’s going on a trip to see his Deadbeat Daddy tomorrow for eleven days?  Can I say that I will relish the peace every moment of every day?  Fuck yeah I can!

I can work in peace.  (See how I worked that little detail in?  I’M WORKING.)  I can read in peace.  I can make jewelry in peace.  Theoretically, I could masturbate in peace.  Theoretically.  Best of all, I can BE in peace.  And quiet.  DAMN when did I become such an Introvert?