The New Normal

The New Normal for me is STRESS.  Stress, stress, and more stress.  Dad came out of the hospital and home to 24-hour nursing care and Hospice.  It was either that, or a nursing home, and none of us could tolerate the idea of a nursing home.  Medicare pays for Hospice, but the parents have to pay out of pocket for the 24-hour nursing ($22/hour!!!).  THANK GOD they have the means to do that.

It is SO STRESSFUL and SAD to see my Dad so ill and incapacitated!!!  He is also in so much denial!!  There he is in his hospital bed, telling me that he can get up and walk across the room, when he can’t even stand up, or wipe his own butt.  It makes me unbelievably sad to see him so humbled by life.  I hardly know what to do with my emotions.  Fortunately, I have had loads of work from Dr. HasHerShitTogether, so I’ve been keeping busy, and that helps A LOT.  Also, I’m broke as a joke and I need the damn money!  I just submitted my first invoice, so I should see a check soon.

I also did un-fire Dr. Flaky and I’m going to meet with her on Wednesday.  This should be a good source of some steady work for awhile, getting her caught up on everything, IF she behaves and keeps to her commitments.  I’m hopeful, but realistic.  It might work, but if it doesn’t, I’ll have to cut my losses.  We’ll see.  She IS a good person, she’s just very, very scattered.  If I can do some work to help her pull it together, so much the better.

Other than working and going to my parents, I haven’t had a life!  Today is the first chance I’ve even had to do my laundry.  My apartment is a total mess and I don’t know if I have the energy to clean it, even though it would make me feel better to have a more clean environment.  Where the hell are the little pixies and elves when you need them???

Well my friends, that’s my sorry update.  Oh, still not smoking, miracle of miracles!!  Mood still steady, second miracle.  I believe I am being visited by Grace.  I am grateful for that.  I hope you all are well.  Peace!

17 thoughts on “The New Normal

  1. love you x thank you for just blogging it how it is… I look forward to every post… and I have an iea for Dr Flaky..it works for me, and I make her look like an amateur on the flakiness front xx

  2. I am so, so amazed and grateful that you’re holding up SO well….in the truest state of grace there ever was. I adore you, I adore your spirit, and I’ll be thinking of you. Also hoping for your Dad to make his way to the next adventure asap. Xoxo

  3. I’ve missed you. Very sorry to hear about your dad. I know that sucks and is painful to watch. If you want someone hard core who teaches about being organized and uncluttered, then check this out: http://flylady.net/ Granted, the Fly Lady teaches more about keeping the house in order, but I think it can apply to most scenarios.

  4. I think it’s wonderful that you’re experiencing grace even in the midst of family tragedy. I send you my love and hold you and your parents in my prayers. This chapter in life is not easy. I know. For me, it’s a long keening, a prolonged grief, for my parents are no longer who they once were due to dementia.

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