Well, it just takes one little conversation to turn life upside down sometimes. In this particular instance, it was my dear sister whom I live with, who came down to “check in” with me, and informed me that she “needs her space” and needs me to move out of her house. Boy I did not see that one coming. While it’s true that there’s been times I’ve felt unwelcome here, I thought that overall she saw my being here as a benefit when it comes to her two kids, and having an extra adult in the home. I guess not.
So, a little bit of turmoil. No, lots of turmoil. Because the money I’m making right now isn’t enough to support me in my own place. And the last time I had a full-time job, I was so stressed out, and wanted to die, on the regular. And now, I’m looking at having to get another full-time job. Ready or not. Well or not. Able or not. So, with a gag in my throat, I have applied for three IT jobs today. Really, they’ll probably all laugh me out of the room. I haven’t worked in the field in 2 ½ years. Fuck me! But, what am I supposed to do? This is an expensive-as-hell town and I need to make some money. Oh God, this is so not me…..
Have I mentioned that I basically hate my sister for putting me in this situation? I know, I know, she has a right to her space. It’s her house, if she wants me to move out, she has a right to ask. But Jesus Christ! Does she realize what a fucking crisis this is creating for me?????
Well enough of this Debbie Downer post. I don’t know what to tell you, or ME, for that matter. Life has to go on. I think. I HAVE thought about just killing myself to get out of this difficult situation. But once again I think about all the people I’d hurt, and I’m like, fuck, I better live. DAMMIT!!