Well folks I felt the fear and I did it anyway – I GOT CERTIFIED!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (For those of you wondering, the certification is COMPTIA Security +). Somehow I didn’t think I could actually pull it off, but I did!!! All those months of studying and test-taking (over & over & over) have paid off. I took the test yesterday and passed with a 787, about 87.4%. Do I need to say how happy I am?!?! I can’t remember the last time I had such a big goal, and I achieved it. This has challenged me like nothing since college, which is many years in the past. After 40+ ECT treatments, I really didn’t know if my brain could absorb and learn like I would need to. Also, this is a 50-year-old brain! But, I did it! I’m so excited and encouraged! You CAN teach an old dog new tricks! I’m living proof! And, Bipolar Disorder doesn’t get to win here. I am not defeated by my illness. Oh my I am just filled with happiness and hope. Now on to Certified Ethical Hacker with some confidence that I can do it! YEAH!
Well my fellow Bipolareans, it’s that time. Put up or shut up. I’ve been studying for this computer security test for two months now. I’ve shown myself that I can be wayyyyy more diligent than I ever thought I could be at this point in my life. I have seen a side of myself that I didn’t know was there – an ability to study and learn and be consistent and intense! WHO IS THIS PERSON AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BIPOLAR ON FIRE?!?! The journey has been trying, but it has also been a joy. The journey has shown me that I can rise above my label and rise above my illness. Alas, I have to tell you the truth, I am scared shitless to take this test next week. I believe I am ready, but what if I fail? How will I deal with it? What will I do? I’m so scared to report back. But, this blog is a place for me to be real, and I’m REAL SCARED!! I have six days of final preparation . . . and then I will take this test that is kind of a big deal for me career-wise . . . it could really help me advance and break through my own glass ceiling. I’ll be nose to the grindstone for the next six days . . . wish me luck! Hope you are all well and happy or at least o.k.!
I’m feeling a little melancholy today. We have some family friends who have a little girl who has been fighting mesothelioma and ovarian cancer since she was three years old (she’s twelve now) and today she didn’t wake up. Poor girl. Yesterday was her last day on earth. It just seems so cruel that a child’s life was spent fighting cancer, and then the battle was lost. Life is so uneven! Some people seem to sort of float through life unscathed, they don’t seem to struggle, they grow up, they have babies, they seem happy, while others seem to have all the struggles. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I’ve had my share of struggles, but I’m coming out the other side. My head is above water. I just…FEEL! Feel so bad for this little girl, her parents, her sister. Loss is not fair. I hope there’s an afterlife, and I hope it’s good. I hope she’s a happy angel, flying high, playing Minecraft without a care or a pain in the world. Her name was Zaida. Be happy and free, Zaida. Rest in the arms of Love.
It’s time. IT’S TIME! Mama, it’s time! (Stealing a little bit from Steel Magnolias). Yes it’s time. It’s about DAMN TIME I update this blog. Jesus Christ does the time fly! Here it is MARCH already! YAYYYY and only eleven days until we Spring Forward into Daylight Savings Time! Mama Mia I have sailed through this winter without any of the usual Winter Blues! THANK YOU, DR. DRUGS!!! He added just a baby dose of Zoloft to my regimen, and it’s made all the difference!!
Well I have become a goddamn SLUG at updating this blog, and I’m sorry. It’s a reflection of the fact that I now have a life, plain & simple. I had a good three years of not much to do, and now I have wayyyy so much to do. I am still working for Dr. Flaky, which is going fine, I might even have to change her name to Not-As-Flaky, but I dunno, I’ll think about it. I go to my Mom & Dad’s two days a week and act like a maid (tired of that but they pay me and last I checked I still need the money). AND AND AND I have taken my first class in Computer Security and I am studying like MAD for the certification test!
I have to say, at the grand old age of 50, I was damn scared that I wouldn’t be able to learn the material, and scared that it would be beyond my comprehension, and I’m happy to report that neither of these fears have been realized! I CAN learn, and I CAN understand!!! What a revelation! AND, I can apply myself! Rather diligently! In fact, the answer to my rampant pot use (and subsequent eating everything in the apartment) it turns out was just that I needed something to occupy my time, and now I have it. And, this is so nerdy, y’all, but I have to say, I much prefer having all this studying to do to all the free time spent getting stoned & watching tv. There! I said it! I am actually ENJOYING studying my ass off and learning this shit. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? It’s hard for even me to grasp. But it’s a gigantor blessing, and I’m embracing it and studying the fuck out of it. I hope to take the certification test in about a month. My next class is April 10. Now if I can just keep from running out of money before I finish all this shit, I’ll be happy.
After working in IT Support for over twenty-five years, and getting colossally burnt out on it, and then spending three years in Disability-limbo, and feeling disabled by my Bipolar, this has been a very exciting and empowering process. I thought my story was ended, basically, but here, we have a new chapter. And to me, that’s exciting, and I’m very grateful for that. So, there’s hope! I guess it ain’t over until you’re in the ground! Good for me to remember. Because I had stuck a fork in myself and said “Done”.
Hope you’re all doing well out there in the blogosphere, I will try to catch up on you too. I have been surreptitiously reading some of your blogs, but haven’t commented lately. I am reading though! Take care, friends, and holla if you want below . . .