Goats In Trees

Goats-in-trees

I’ve just had such a productive day, surprisingly, and I’ve already gotten my evening work done for Dr. Flaky, so I just thought I’d Google Image “goats” and then there were all these pictures of goats in trees so I Googled “goats in trees” and OH MY GOD there are so many pics!  Like people go to visit the goats in the trees!  I want to do this!!  Who wants to go to Morocco to see the goats in the trees??

I PROTEST THIS DAY!

I PROTEST THIS SNOWY SUNDAY!!  It is April 29th and the weather should be gorgeous dammit!!  Yet here I sit in my little hovel of an apartment, staring out the window at the gnarly falling flakes, random crashing sounds coming from above (DAMN YOU NOISY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR), wondering where Spring went.  I should be studying right now, but I used up all my concentration on work this morning and now I’m feeling a bit fried.  Also, crabby due to the aforementioned random crashing noises coming from above.  Yet, how do you approach a damned noisy neighbor who you’ve called the cops on in the past because they wouldn’t answer their door when you knocked four times to complain about their damn noisy music that sounded like hammers pounding the wall??  It’s a level of social acuity that I can only aspire to, maybe in another life.  For now I will just cuss and randomly yell “What the HELL is that noise?” when I hear it.  I guess my existence has been reduced to being a crazy yelling lady.  Maybe the sun will shine tomorrow and I’ll get out and be more like a functioning human being tomorrow.  I have to tell you a secret, though:  I’m a hermit.  I basically spend time with myself and verrrry rarely see friends.  You know I spend time with family out of a sense of obligation but mostly I spend time to myself.  And I sit and wonder, is this normal?  I don’t know if I’m wildly Introverted, or if this is some unhealthy thing I’m doing, but I just don’t have it in me to “People” much.  I see other people on Facebook going to potlucks and dinner parties and rallies and what-have-you and I just shake my head in wonder.  Is this all my life is going to be?  Me?  Alone?  Maybe.  I read things that talk about how social isolation is not healthy for human beings, but I can’t seem to avoid it.  Am I the only one?  Surely not.  Tell me it’s not just me!  I hope to hear from you below.  Sincerely, a seriously introverted BipolarOnFire ❤ *CRASH*

Last Day Of Nerd Class!!

Yeah!!  Today is the last day of nerd class!!  I am celebrating by drinking a vodka and grapefruit juice during class.  Does that seem like a good idea?  No?  I think it’s a GREAT idea!  Vodka makes everything FUNNER!  I know, I know, talk to me in the morning.

This class has really taken the piss out of me.  It’s been 5-9pm for two weeks.  Let me tell you, by 5pm, my attention span is that of a gnat.  Trying to listen or concentrate has been HELL!  Of course, the last night is on Cryptography…zzzzzzzzzzzzz oh sorry I fell asleep for a second there.  It will be a MIRACLE if I stay with it through the end of class.  Pray that I don’t cause a booze-induced disruption.

That’s all for now, back to class, oh!  They’re talking about RC4!  Woo!

I Feel So Much Better!!!

It’s amazing to me how just putting myself out there and saying how I feel can make me feel better!  I don’t want to do it, especially when the feelings aren’t super-delicious, and yesterday was one of those days.  I’m just…scared, like, will people think I’m a big asshole?  And, sometimes I am an asshole!  But feeling bad doesn’t make me an asshole.  Acting like I’m always o.k. does.

Anyhoo, I just really appreciate all the love and support from BlogLand!!  It has made me feel not-lonely and like I can keep going with this studying thing.  I also did some fancy things today that made me feel good, like dyeing my hair (not going to give in to the grays FUCK YOU GRAY HAIR!) and taking a shower (didn’t happen to do that since Monday!), and putting on clean clothes.  SO FANCY.  So I feel shiny and new and gosh, someone should take me out for enchiladas or somethin’!  Life is good.  Thank you, BlogLand!

The Grind Is Getting To Me!

Oh, Glory!  The book that came with our class (I’m sure you know what class but it is Certified Ethical Hacker) is an absolute piece of shit, basically the slide-deck that the teacher uses each night for class.  It’s all graphics and bullet points and no actual substance.  So, I bought a book from Amazon to help me study for the certification.  And the REAL grind has begun.  Again.  I know now what it takes to get a certification, it takes giving it your ALL.  I have been reading the new book ALL DAY.  I created a calendar with a schedule of how many chapters I need to finish per week and it’s fucking intense!  This fucking studying is some lonely business!!  I know it’s time-limited, but my feelings don’t know that.  I just feel lonely and super-tired of studying and I want to do something else.  I know, I know, where’s the gratitude?  For this great opportunity?  Well, I’ve lost it.  Perspective, out the window.  I need to get it back and be able to buckle down and focus and do this.  Ok, Ok, I’m ahead of schedule.  I had one chapter as this week’s goal and I’m on Chapter 2.  I just want to be done and certified already.  I need to be ok with this process.  I don’t know if I have it in me to do this again.  I think I need a hug.

Happy Easter, Fuckers!

Yeah!  Easter!  Sorry to be so reverent, but, I’m not.  Sorry, not sorry.  It IS a beautiful day out there, and it’s SPRING (ahhhhhh Angels singing), so what’s not to like about Easter Sunday?  Ah hell I’m probably gonna lose all my followers for that title.  Not to worry.  I’ll do me.  You do you.

Speaking of the resurrection, my studies have been resurrected!  I’m back in class, (Certified Ethical Hacker) four hours per day, cramming in labs in between time, and a little bit of work for Dr. Flaky, as well as being my parent’s maid two days a week.  I’m busy!  Where are the spoons!  Can anyone send me some?  I am running on pure caffeine and a low dose of Adderall that is just not cutting it.  How I say how in the HELL do people do full-time jobs and LIFE?!  I will soon be attempting this feat again, as soon as I pass this certification.  I’m SCARED!!!

In other news, one of my good friends has gone to inpatient treatment.  He got a wild hair at the age of 45 and decided to try micro-dosing acid.  What led him to believe this was a good idea, I don’t know.  From there, he went a little wild and bought mushrooms, ketamine and METH (all off the Dark Web).  Which he proceeded to do from his desk at work.  Well, micro-doses led to mega-doses, and he quickly developed a meth habit that took over (despite the fact that he insisted it wasn’t “making him high”) and he blew up his life!  Which is all to say, don’t do drugs, people.  And stay away from the Dark Web!  It doesn’t offer anything good!  I have spent many an hour worrying about this good friend.  We have a psychiatrist in common, and he came clean and the psychiatrist calmly took it all in stride.  Oh, these psychiatrists and their poker faces!  How he didn’t call in the National Guard on him, I’ll never know.   Dr. Drugs just took away his Adderall and sent him on his way.  Cruel Dr. Drugs, cruel.

Today we have yet another family gathering.  I am plagued by family gatherings.  We have them just about every few damn weeks.  It’s either someone’s birthday, or it’s a damn holiday like Easter, and we have to have a big meal, and everybody has to bring shit, and we all gather at someone’s house, and hopefully my cantankerous old curmudgeon of a Dad behaves … lately Mom hasn’t been doing too well.  She is exhausted from taking care of Dad who is like a baby and Mom already had a heart attack and a stroke in December…a mild one of each but she’s working her way up to another.  So one sister and I are going to take Mom on a walk today and my oldest sister is going to lay the verbal smackdown on Dad.  Should make for fun times and a tension-filled meal.  Oh, how I love family dynamics!  It’s never as fun as tv shows.  More like slow torture.

Finally, guess what?  I joined Weight Watchers!  Woo!  There’s nothing like not being able to fit into your clothes to motivate a person.  On my first day, I had yogurt and granola for breakfast, a fruit smoothie for lunch, and then I crashed and burned on dinner and had pizza.  So, that’s how Weight Watchers is going.  Fabulous!  I guess the mere act of joining doesn’t get you much.  Oh dear…I may have to change some behaviors here…

Well I have to go bake a pie for this damn Easter celebration.  Hope you’re feeling as festive as I am!  Glory to God in the Highest and all that shit!  Peace out!