I PROTEST THIS DAY!

I PROTEST THIS SNOWY SUNDAY!!  It is April 29th and the weather should be gorgeous dammit!!  Yet here I sit in my little hovel of an apartment, staring out the window at the gnarly falling flakes, random crashing sounds coming from above (DAMN YOU NOISY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR), wondering where Spring went.  I should be studying right now, but I used up all my concentration on work this morning and now I’m feeling a bit fried.  Also, crabby due to the aforementioned random crashing noises coming from above.  Yet, how do you approach a damned noisy neighbor who you’ve called the cops on in the past because they wouldn’t answer their door when you knocked four times to complain about their damn noisy music that sounded like hammers pounding the wall??  It’s a level of social acuity that I can only aspire to, maybe in another life.  For now I will just cuss and randomly yell “What the HELL is that noise?” when I hear it.  I guess my existence has been reduced to being a crazy yelling lady.  Maybe the sun will shine tomorrow and I’ll get out and be more like a functioning human being tomorrow.  I have to tell you a secret, though:  I’m a hermit.  I basically spend time with myself and verrrry rarely see friends.  You know I spend time with family out of a sense of obligation but mostly I spend time to myself.  And I sit and wonder, is this normal?  I don’t know if I’m wildly Introverted, or if this is some unhealthy thing I’m doing, but I just don’t have it in me to “People” much.  I see other people on Facebook going to potlucks and dinner parties and rallies and what-have-you and I just shake my head in wonder.  Is this all my life is going to be?  Me?  Alone?  Maybe.  I read things that talk about how social isolation is not healthy for human beings, but I can’t seem to avoid it.  Am I the only one?  Surely not.  Tell me it’s not just me!  I hope to hear from you below.  Sincerely, a seriously introverted BipolarOnFire ❤ *CRASH*

14 thoughts on “I PROTEST THIS DAY!

  1. I’m sorry you are feeling alone and isolated. I often feel this way, but now I have a full-time job and it helps being around other adults. I was so used to being at home with my toddler talking baby-talk. I started to feel a bit isolated, luckily I have made a great mom friend. But, I don’t have a ton of people around that I hang out with on a regular basis because I moved around a lot (military brat). So, I can definitely empathize with how you are feeling. Hang in there. I’d like to give you a big virtual hug! ❤

      • Yes, I do know what you mean. The blogging community has been nice for me in the sense that I don’t feel so alone especially when people interact. It’s a journey dealing with bi-polar and or depression. I deal with depression and it’s been a life long journey for me to overcome it. I have to work at my happiness and joy, while it is easier for others.

        I know for me, that I would complain about feeling isolated and lonely then I would push people away. I’m learning to not push people away and learn to trust. Trust doesn’t always come easy for some of us that deal with depression. In the past I’ve had to cut off my own family because I felt at the time I needed a personal break. Some of them took it very personally and to this day are very upset with me for having done so. But, sometimes we need to do things for ourselves in order to heal. Even if that means, that others may not understand or take it personally. It’s not about them, but it’s about us and what we’re struggling with. Sooo many people misunderstand depression and can’t or don’t know how to deal with people who suffer from it.

        We often don’t want pity or even sympathy…all we ask for is a little empathy. But, not everyone is capable of being empathetic when they’re taking things so personally. It’s a challenge to try and explain to someone who doesn’t suffer from depression, what it’s like. They just think you should “snap out of it.” I had to take a personal break because I couldn’t fake my feelings. I got tired of just “surface talk.” No one wants to “get into it” if you are struggling with feeling down and blue. Everyone wants just happy surface stuff, like a perfect polished social media profile. But, we’re not social media profiles, we’re not perfectly air-brushed humans. In real life, off the Internet…we’re human. And many people that don’t deal with mental health forget this.

        So, I totally understand. Know that you are not alone, many people just can’t or won’t admit that they struggle with depression. Lots of people are not diagnosed and they live in denial. ❤

  2. The upstairs neighbor reminds me of when Karla and I first got married. We lived in a nice first floor apartment. The upstairs neighbors were nice, and they were quiet all day. Then about 2:00 am, there’d be all these thudding and crashing noises coming from above. They listened with concern and claimed that they had no idea what we were talking about, they’d been asleep all night. We always laughed and said (not to their faces) that they were “sorting their bowling ball collection”.

  3. In my twenties I was social. Now I isolate, though I live with a husband and teenager. Common for those of us with mental illness to isolate. I, in fact, find socializing overwhelming, over stimulating, and a trigger to hypomania and mood cycling.

    • Kitt, you make me feel SO MUCH BETTER about where I’m at!! I guess there has just been a fundamental change in me since my 20’s. I keep expecting myself to get to a “well” point of being that person in my 20’s, but I think that person is gone and this new person is in place now. Thanks for validating that.

      • We do change. My social butterfly self of my twenties, I may very well recognize as hypomanic and overstimulated today. I was unaware of my bipolar diagnosis. I knew that I had struggled with depression and suicidality, but didn’t know much about hypomania.

  4. Hello dear, I also used to be very outgoing and have become isolated as well. Sit mostly in the house and trying to do something inside by myself that feels like i have accomplished something for the day.
    Its sad its snowing…its 90 here and sunny. lol

  5. You are totally not the only one, Dr. Fire, as you know by now!
    I’ve been in isolation mode for the most part for a long time.

    “I just don’t have it in me to “People” much.”

    What a brilliant line!!! I hear ya!

    I’m becoming extremely picky about the people I’ll interact with these days. I have no problem using the “Bipolar Card” as my reason to run the hell away from anyone or any gathering I choose.

    I love being in control whenever I can; I was OUT of control for too fucking long, so I’m making up for lots of lost time. (Perhaps I’m a control freak? 😉 Okay, okay, I am.
    Who cares, right?

    One benefit of growing older is that I finally feel confident about ceasing all contact with anyone who brings me down.

    i’m moving on to catch up with your post about….goats in trees???? 😉

    XOXOOXOXOXOOOX

  6. I’m a loud and proud introvert! A hermit. A recluse. You are normal. There are others out there. I’ve made a segment on my blog called #chasingtruimphs in an attempt to get me OUT THE HOUSE. I think I only have one post in it so far hehe. I will use any excuse not to have to ‘people’. I’m stepping out my comfort zone on Saturday though, going on a charity walk. Do you think they’d mind much if I smoked while I was walking….? That’s the joy of being alone. You do exactly as you please

    • I am so happy to hear you say you’re a loud & proud introvert!!! It’s not just me!!! Oh my gosh my head runs away with me sometimes. YES you should smoke while you walk HAHAHA

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