The Struggle is REAL!

I feel like I hit rock bottom this weekend.  I hit my threshold of “when I get down to this amount of money, I panic” and I began to panic.  I worked on my studying and took a practice test upon which I did not do well.  Then I freaked out majorly and got suicidal for awhile because I was so scared about failing this test and how am I gonna get a job no one wants to interview me and what am I gonna do if I run out of money and how am I gonna take care of these birds and how will I pay the rent?  I know, breathe!  I got so sad thinking of my family getting the news I was dead, and to YOU guys, I would be another dead blogger, another Bipolar fatality, GOD I got to feeling guilty about all the people I would hurt and let down!  And then I thought….you could sell your car instead of killing yourself couldn’t you?  I mean, the baby birds haven’t even been born!  And I thought yeah, my life is worth more than my car.  I could sell my car and buy myself a little time and sanity and just buy a beater car that gets me from Point A to Point B, I mean, I’d be sad to sell my car, but I’d rather LIVE and not be destitute, I think….So I went and washed my car and vacuumed it and took pictures of it and listed it on Craigslist.  Done.  We’ll see what the Gods have in store for me.  So, that’s how my Sunday went, a little Bipolar rollercoaster for ya!  How has yours been?

14 thoughts on “The Struggle is REAL!

  1. glad you found a solution, as sucky as it may be, it is still a solution. I’m passing out hugs today, and you get one! ***hugs***

  2. You know I love you and those birds would be furious with you if you hurt yourself!!! First of all as someone who was literally about to kill herself twice I want you to check into a hospital if you honestly feel like you’re going to do it don’t mess around with that or call someone easier written than done I know that but you cannot do that I am so proud of you for thinking outside the box and selling your car that is a huge step takes a lot of guts and you’re doing it so I’m proud of you and I’ll pray to the unknown angels as soon as I stop talking to my phone to help you out and give you a break I love you!!!!!!!!!

  3. I just prayed out loud to the angels on your behalf to give you a break and that you pass your test and then you get money and that you don’t have to stress about it I don’t care who sees me talking to myself what else is new???

  4. We all need want a normal, stable life. I keep the suicidal thoughts at bay by always keeping the option as last on the list, that way I don’t have to perseverate on it.

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