Do You Dare To Dream?

It seems like having Bipolar Disorder is a whole exercise in lowering your expectations about life.  Can I achieve anything?  Often getting through the day has to be the achievement that I aspire to.  This makes the dreams I have particularly painful.  You see, I have big dreams.  I wish I didn’t.  I wish all I dreamt was to work a job and pay the bills.  Maybe I could achieve that.  I wish that were enough for me.  But it’s not.  I dream of owning a home, of having dogs again, of having a garden, of starting a community homebuilding program to help others achieve their dream of home ownership . . . these are big dreams.  And they are front and center in my mind.  These dreams even appear in my sleep!  Last night I dreamt that I had two white Great Danes (my dream dog, I have had Great Danes in the past).

I often ask myself, why do you have to dream?  Can’t you be happy just existing?  Can’t being stable and living out of the hospital be enough?  But it’s not!  I have these dreams!  Do I have them for a reason?  Are they meant to be realized?  Or are they just pipe dreams?  Maybe I should take the “Dare to Dream” signs down.  Maybe I shouldn’t dare to dream.  Maybe it’s just making me unhappy.  Maybe it’s just giving me Reverse Gratitude and I should just focus on being grateful for what I have.  I don’t want to fall into a trap of feeling sorry for myself, that’s a rabbit hole I could fall down and have a hard time coming up from.  Is there a way to be grateful and still have dreams?  Can I be compassionate for myself and my dreams?  Can I accept them as just dreams – and nothing else?  Not meant to be reality?  The answer is no.  I believe that they are meant to be reality.  How do I get there, that is the question.

I’m wondering if my fellow friends with Bipolar Disorder have dreams that seem unachievable, and if so, how do you deal with them?

15 thoughts on “Do You Dare To Dream?

  1. I’ve lost my ability to dream. I’ve been off of my mood stabilizer for 3 months now, as we’ve reached the point financially that we can’t afford meds right now. I’ve been trying to work part time (I am on disability) to make ends meet, doing in home health care for the elderly and disabled, but took a fall with a client a few days ago and fucked my self up pretty badly physically, so have been forced to call in sick for a few more days. Honestly if my husband would just leave for awhile , today I would commit suicide it would be so easy. It’s so hard not to give into the feeling that things all around would be better if I were out of the picture.

    • I am so sad to read your comments and so sorry for where you’re at. No one would be better off if you were dead. That is a lie we tell ourselves when we are at our lowest, but I know it feels true. I am truly sorry that you are in such a hard place. PLEASE try to get back on the medicine. A LOT of drug companies have programs that make their medications free for those who cannot afford them. I know it might seem insurmountable right now, but you have to believe me!! Your life is worth saving, and getting back on your meds is the first step. That, and seeing your doctor. I will keep you in my prayers. For real.

  2. I think living with bp is such a unique experience. It makes like so full of everything. The good, the bad, and accepting that sometimes you just can’t be who you want to be and dreams you had before change into new dreams because you’re becoming someone different. We need to take each day as it comes. To accept the hard moments/days/years and be grateful to be alive in whatever capacity we can manage. I truly think bp is a gift. Do not give up your dreams, just keep adjusting them and working toward a world you want to live in. Have courage. As my grandparents would say…stoicism and fortitude will generally see one through. I’ve added merriment because I believe we need to be merry and have fun too. Love to all.

  3. I have goals, and I slowly move towards them. Turning them into bite sized pieces that I can manage. For a while it was to be able to travel internationally again. I started with a road trip to Yellowstone, then we went to Norway. Now my goal is to finish up college. I’m on my last semester. I should be graduating with my BFA. After that I want to eventually get into galleries, and from there get into museums with my work. They’re lofty goals, but at one point just leaving the house on my own was a goal. I have come far. And while I may stumble here or there, I keep my goals in mind. Never stop dreaming about a better life.

    • I absolutely LOVE what you shared, thank you so much!!!!! It is very inspirational!!! I am so glad for you that you have come so far. I hope everybody reads this comment. I am going to carry it with me in my heart ❤

  4. So being a hair stylist has been one of the hardest jobs I’ve had so far. I often dream of owning a business or just being a data entry person, but I know both of those can be unrealistic of I’m going through an episode or not on correct medications. Right now I’m just trying to handle new clients and get used to faking it till I make it and see where it takes me. 💕

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