Having Bipolar Disorder is painful. In particular, having such variable moods is painful. I feel like so many stressors are weighing on me, such as needing a job, finances, isolation, etc., that I am getting depressed. This morning I got so worried about money that I literally threw up.
I feel like I should take some action, like go stay at my parent’s house for the weekend, just so I’m not so isolated, but I don’t know if I can make myself do it. I feel frozen, just stuck in the muck. Also I’m worried that I’ll go to their house and they’ll see that I’m in a bad place and they’ll worry about me, and I don’t want to worry them. I just wish my life wasn’t so unsettled. It feels precarious, and not having stability sets me off.
I hate to write about such shit, but I try to be truthful about where I’m at, and this IS a blog about a person with Bipolar Disorder, which means I’m not always rainbows and unicorn farts. I wish that were the case, but that wouldn’t make me very genuine. I hope to hear from you about how you deal with stress, instability, financial fear, etc. Thanks for reading!