Mood Crash

Having Bipolar Disorder is painful.  In particular, having such variable moods is painful.  I feel like so many stressors are weighing on me, such as needing a job, finances, isolation, etc., that I am getting depressed.  This morning I got so worried about money that I literally threw up.

I feel like I should take some action, like go stay at my parent’s house for the weekend, just so I’m not so isolated, but I don’t know if I can make myself do it.  I feel frozen, just stuck in the muck.  Also I’m worried that I’ll go to their house and they’ll see that I’m in a bad place and they’ll worry about me, and I don’t want to worry them.  I just wish my life wasn’t so unsettled.  It feels precarious, and not having stability sets me off.

I hate to write about such shit, but I try to be truthful about where I’m at, and this IS a blog about a person with Bipolar Disorder, which means I’m not always rainbows and unicorn farts.  I wish that were the case, but that wouldn’t make me very genuine.  I hope to hear from you about how you deal with stress, instability, financial fear, etc.  Thanks for reading!

14 thoughts on “Mood Crash

  1. I am so sorry to hear you’re having so much trouble. It is Fall, and I always struggle much more with my mood during the change of seasons. Perhaps a medication/dose adjustment may help you. Are you on SSI? Looking for jobs is tough, sometimes it’s all rejection. But keep applying and something will turn up. Sending you hugs. 🤗

  2. Sadly, I do use Xanax on a regular basis, but I have PTSD too.

    I also use essential oils, mindfulness techniques, CBD, progressive relaxation exercises, and I have a great husband to whom I can vent or just blow my top without (usually) starting an argument between us.

    For me, loud music calms me down; I listen in my own room and shake and chair dance and dance out my stress.

    Lastly, I sing. In the Jewish tradition, I try to sing my prayers, sometimes to a specific melody, sometimes whatever comes out. There is power in music!

    Hang in there, drink decaf or herbal tea, and use that marginal amount of Xanax properly. It might even get you a nap’

    Sue 😬☮️

    • Thank you so much for sharing. Maybe I need to get some music going. I do pray, as you know ❤ I am trying to leave the Xanax alone except in extreme cases. I don't want to develop a dependency. There's a fine line, I know.

  3. I’ve never known a simple thing to do when my mood is dropping. Music, as mentioned above, helps though. I prefer songs from when I was a teenager. Sometimes even sad songs or songs about the writer not fitting in help. You’d think they’d make things worse, but there is a comfort in knowing that others have felt the same way. I think that’s why I played some of these songs many times as a teenager.

  4. You poor thing – how awful you actually threw up, sweetie. I’m so sorry.
    When I’ve gone through financial fear (which has happened to me many, many times in every decade of my life, practically) I swallowed my pride and begged my parents for money. And it SUCKED.
    I did it anyway, but still…

    That aside, your parents love you (please forgive me for coming across as bossy, honey) I think you should go be with them so you can be safe.They will be okay – they will. Never apologize for writing about the shitty dark stuff – we all have been through it. As Samina wrote, something will turn up and it sounds like you really did well at that interview!!!! So I’ll have you in my thoughts & prayers, my dear. Don’t feel bad about using the Xanax for this kind of worry as long as you don’t overdo it. It gets us through rough patches and it’s worth its weight in gold. XOXOOXOXO Keep us posted, okay?

  5. That’s a tough one. I would spend the weekend with the ‘rents. If only for the weekend, it might give you some relief from the lonely feeling you have. Money matters always trigger me. I just always convince myself that this is temporary and things will fall into place in given time. And it has worked for me so far. And as I write this, I notice from the above comments, that you have in fact gone to the ‘rents house, so… Good job! All these things we feel are temporary. I know in the moment we feel like we will NEVER get through them. But we have to hold onto hope, as corny as it sounds. In the meantime, we are all here for you.

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