Well the job I applied for and really really wanted is not to be. I look like this sad clown. Totally pitiful. Disappointment is something we all have to deal with, but disappointment mixed with shame is even worse. I feel like I did something stupid or wrong that made me not get the job. Was I too much of a bigmouth? Were my questions too revealing? Was I too outgoing? Too overconfident? Ah shame, you motherfucker. You make me regret my very being. I can’t just be bummed, I have to make it about me. That is low.
So I am stuck with the Job That Never Starts. Today’s update is that it will “hopefully” start next Monday. I’m not holding my breath, if I did I would pass out. In the meantime I am returning to maid duties at Mom and Dad’s. It will be good to have something to do besides the Jumble, and a little pocket money too. I have been financially panicked at every expense. Ah, life is good! Fear and stress and uncertainty. The Bipolar’s Nemesis.
I don’t understand why things don’t work out the way we think they should. Everyone is telling me that something better will come along. I thought this was my something better. I give up. I’m not gonna kill myself or anything, but today I just give up.