Surprise! The people at my job have gotten their shit together and given me work to do! What a relief!!! It’s so much better than staring at my screen reading mind-numbing Security articles eight hours a day. I mean, I want to be productive. That’s why I’m there, right??
Towards the end of the week I got assigned to a couple of projects and both the work and the training started coming. The work is fine, the training is intense and tiring. But that is totally fine. I’m there to learn and grow! This is what I asked for! So I am grateful. But by Friday I have to tell you, I was exhausted. On Friday morning, I had to double-check my medicine box to make sure I hadn’t taken my evening medication, I was so tired!
Working 40 hours a week is normal for most people but for me it is totally exhausting. My whole existence is geared towards keeping the Work Machine up and running. Something that is of utmost importance for people with Bipolar is sleep, and I am not getting enough. In my lackadaisical part-time days, I slept 10-11 hours per night, waking with the morning light, and that was ideal. I know that sounds like a shit-ton of sleep, but for some reason I function better on a whole lot of sleep. Now, I am getting 7-8 hours per night, which is why I was so tired by Friday. I don’t think it’s enough to throw me into mania (God I hope not), but it’s enough to exhaust me.
I am having to become a real stickler for self-care, and being somewhat regimented, which I am not fond of. But this is an endurance test to me, and if I don’t take care of myself, I’m not going to be able to keep going. So, I have to do things like plan ahead and make my lunch the night before work, and cook on the weekends so I have something to eat during the week. I’m also really lowwwwwww on funds so there’s no eating out for me! I have to plan carefully and then shop and prepare food. This is a discipline I’m not used to. Again, not a fan.
I don’t know where all of this is leading me in my life but I have to believe I’m becoming a better, more whole person every day. I’m learning, I’m practicing some discipline and self-care, I’m getting out into the world with other people and interacting (hard for me), and I’m exercising every morning. Maybe some day I will lose one pound, I don’t know. I think I’m in a good place, and I’m grateful for that. For all his bullshit, Dr. Drugs has got me on a good cocktail and I’m behaving like a somewhat normal person. I believe this is progress. I hope it continues. I’m taking it one day at a time and very much staying in the moment.
Hope you are all doing well, please let me know. Sorry I haven’t kept up with the comments, I promise to do better!! Love to you all! Peaches!