Having Bipolar Disorder and working full-time is a fucking challenge. How else can I say it? It is taking all of my resources to keep going. I feel like I’m running a marathon every week. Most people see working a full-time job as no big deal, but for me, with Bipolar Disorder, it takes herculean efforts to live this kind of life.
I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn, because I have to have “me” time in the morning. It’s just a personal requirement. I am a monster without my morning “me” time. Don’t ask me to go without it. Then it takes me a good half hour to eat breakfast, which I hate, but it’s a requirement, to get through the morning. Then I have to take a shower and get dressed in something nice, because I have to look nice. It’s just another self-requirement.
Finally I grab my lunch that I made the night before (no eating out for me, it’s too expensive and it’s not as healthy) and I’m out the door for a 45 minute commute. I turn off the radio and use the time to say my gratitude prayers. I find that gratitude is a very important part of my daily regimen. It puts me in a good headspace and I get to work with a good attitude.
Work is going much better now that I have things to do, I work totally independently on the projects that I have, I just sit at my desk and work work work. I am totally fine with that. I also sit and quietly tell people to “shut the fuck up” (very quietly) and when the rage at the noise really builds up, I take 1/2 a Xanax. I also chew tons of Nicorette. I don’t smoke at work because I don’t want to alienate people with the stink of smoke.
Sometimes I am so absorbed in my work that I forget to go home on time, but oftentimes I am itchy to leave and I’m watching the clock. I run out of the office and into the comfy confines of my car, where I can smoke and smoke and smoke! I drive like a semi bat out of hell all the way home, by which time I am usually pretty tired. I usually wash my face, put on my pj’s, take my nighttime meds, make the next day’s lunch, and go to bed.
On the weekends, I go to the grocery store, sleep in gratefully, cook something for the coming week, do my laundry, and usually go to my parent’s to watch the Denver Broncos. It’s not much of a life! Mostly I work at keeping the Work Engine going. Will it get easier? I hope so. Right now it feels like everything is centered around work. I have gotten two paychecks, and it’s nice not to be broke anymore. But I do have to admit that there’s been days that I’ve just wanted to quit. I miss my slow life. Sadly, the slow life doesn’t pay the rent.
Now that I’ve gotten you all psyched up to work full-time, tell me, how do YOU get through the week? Hope you are all well . . . Let me know!