You Can Survive The Shits

Well, life is not going my way.  But somehow I am still okay.  Yay!!

Ok, I’m done rhyming.  The job is still shit.  Most of the time I have nothing to do, so I sit there and look at my screens.  It’s kind of bullshit, because they know I have nothing to do, but I still have to look busy, for appearances’ sake.  The boss will come up and ask what I’m doing, and I make something up.  It’s really ridiculous.  But this boss has a bit of a short fuse, and I think he could impulsively say “pack your stuff, you’re not needed here,” and that would be the end of my collecting paychecks.  And, even though this is torture to me to sit there like an asshole, I need to collect the paychecks until I can find something else.

Speaking of finding something else, it is slow going.  The one thing that looked really promising has fizzled.  I had one phone interview, and I was told I’d get a call for a second interview, and it never happened.  I emailed the guy and never heard back.  It would have been a really good position for me.  (Fuck!)  I am anxious and worried about finding another job.  I’m hoping to stick out the current job until January 12th, because I should be able to save a decent amount of money, which would give me a little time to try to find the right job for me.  I know I don’t want another contract job.  One of the things I have been reflecting on is my need for security, and a contract job gives me no security.  A permanent job at least gives me the illusion of security (they could still fire me at any time).

To make the week even harder, my favorite nephew, four years old, has been in the hospital, in terrible pain.  This has had me so sad I’ve been constantly on the verge of tears.  Thankfully, he’s doing better this weekend.

Finally as you know I went down on my dose of Wellbutrin XL to 300 mg.  Aside from being a little more teary, my mood seems to be holding up.  I am actually surprised that I am doing as well as I am.  I hear myself trying to make this job situation into a catastrophe, and I have to talk myself down, like, yes, you can go to work, no, it’s not terrible, it’s just boring, you can stand boring, you can do this for a paycheck, don’t count the days left, take it one day at a time, and so forth.  But I see what my brain does to sabotage me and I’m trying to counter it with some grown-up, calm talk.  I hope the grown-up in me prevails and I don’t do something impulsive, like say “fuck this shit, I quit”, which would be stupid and not serve me well.  Fighting impulses like that is a big part of my Bipolar illness.

Today, rather than laying around all day, which is what I usually do on a Saturday, I’m going to a Tiny House Holiday Village.  I love the idea of Tiny Houses because in theory you could pay cash for one and then you’d have your living situation solved but in practice where would I put all my shit?  But anyway I am looking forward to seeing the tiny houses with my wacky friend Chris aka Crispy Fries.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I almost forgot to tell you!!!  I QUIT SMOKING!!!!!  Tomorrow will be two weeks.  It hasn’t been that bad, just at certain moments I really want a cigarette, but then I chew a piece of Nicorette.  I think Nicorette gives me the hiccups, but whatever.  It beats the shit out of a heart attack, or cancer.

Hope you all had a good week, let me know how you are!  Peaches to yer Mama!

14 thoughts on “You Can Survive The Shits

  1. Congratulations on quitting smoking!! When my husband quit, he used to crunch cinnamon altoids or brush his teeth to fight the cravings, and it helped him to have something to fidget with. Sorry the job isn’t great, but at least it will help your finances for awhile. Have a great weekend!

  2. Yep. No such thing as control, permanence or security. It is what it is. Glad your nephew is doing better. Kudos on quitting smoking. Chew the fuck out of that Nicorette as needed. The job you need will find you, you just have to keep knocking on does (aka: sending resumes)

    Hang in there. And enjoy the tiny house holiday thing!

  3. I found out that somewhere between Best Buy and UPS my packages got lost. So, Best Buy has to send them out again. That was a pisser, but glad I called today instead of waiting until Monday. My shit has been missing for 6 days. On the upside, I’m waiting to hear back about my volunteer position with a crisis network. Background check is being conducted right now and will take about a week. So, I sit and wait. Oh, and it is snowing today.

    • Dammit!! That sucks about your packages being lost!!! I hate waiting!!! Good thing you called, Iggy Girl!!! I am excited for your volunteer position, keep me posted!!! Is snow a good thing?

  4. SUPER-PROUD of you for quitting smoking!!!!! Wow!!!! I hope you had a blast at the Tiny House Holiday Village – that sounds like fun to me and I’m glad you got out of the house. As far as your nephew goes, I’m relieved he’s doing better – that is just beyond awful and I’ll put him in my angel prayer. I’m also going to talk to those angels again on your behalf because they need to help you get a regular, steady, GOOD job you LIKE!!!!!!! Your strength, perseverance, and humor never cease to amaze me, you sweet ‘n fiery little peach! Plus you’re on lower medication and doing really, really well inspire of all the shit! You deserve an award just for that alone. XOXOXOX

  5. You know you run yourself down a lot but I think you’re amazing…you handle sooooo much….and given up smoking… And what’s happening to your book? I know you only mentioned it in a post but I’d like to read it if you ever decide to do it… also…Corporate world is strange…it can take a while for ppl to really communicate what they want you to do…think on my job ppl were a bit intimidating me being older…they weren’t quite sure how to talk to me…anyway…good luck…keep going…keep the faith….xxx

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