You may have guessed from the title of this blog that I have Bipolar Disorder, but I also have been blessed (ha) with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I get the Winter Blues, like, BAD! One thing I think that characterizes depression, whether it’s seasonal or otherwise, is resistance. I am so goddamn resistant to doing anything! Make a plan. I don’t want to go. Make an appointment. I don’t want to go. Time to take a shower. I don’t want to. Do you see the pattern here? Frankly, I exhaust myself. When I start dealing with the “I don’t want to’s”, I have to employ the “Don’t think, just act” strategy. I’m not sure where I got it, but it’s quite effective. It takes the whole brain funk out of the equation. Because really I have things I just have to do! If I listened to the voice saying “I don’t want to”, I’d never get out of bed, shower, get dressed, or leave the house. This is not a good survival strategy. “I don’t want to” basically wants to kill me with inertia.
So despite not wanting to, I managed to get into the Medicaid mental health system this week, with a phone intake, then the next day a 2 1/2 hour assessment appointment, and then that same day I started a 90-minute group that lasts three weeks and is kind of an initial evaluation group. I also walked every. Damn. Day. Which is sort of miraculous because there were some damned gloomy days last week. I made it to Mom & Dad’s and did all sorts of work that I didn’t want to do (and that my poor back didn’t want to do) and then I went out to dinner with my sisters and sister-in-law. All in all, I did a lot more than this depressed brain thought it was capable of. I feel better than I did last week, although I’m definitely still depressed and I still think I need a Wellbutrin increase, but somehow I’m coping.
I have dinner plans tonight with a friend, and football plans tomorrow with family, so I consider my weekend to be full! Somewhere in there I may make it to the grocery store even though I abhor spending money right now. I am spending quality time with my therapy light every morning and that is helping too. All in all, I feel cautiously optimistic. I feel like I’m on the right track. I hope you are all doing well, please let me know what how you are, and what works for you when you are depressed and stuck in the mud? As always PEACH OUT!!
Congrats on overcoming inertia. I’ve succumbed to it. At least I got out of bed, put on jeans, and went out for dinner with my husband last night. It’s a start.
Good for you, Kitt!!! One day at a time…❤️❤️❤️
sounds like you’re doing a LOT… its winter, we’re supposed to curl up and hibernate. 🙂 and you have just finished a full time work stint…bound to be some kick back..
i’m going for as much staying indoors in pj’s as possible… and sleeping…recharging.. worrying a lot too…and making it to the gym when I can… just waiting to see what happens next..job finishes in 6 weeks.. and really not sure what i’m doing..but…have pulse 🙂 will survive
Sorry to hear you’re worrying a lot, that is painful. I am trying not to but sometimes I sure do.
I think you’re doing an absolutely amazing job in spite of the crazy crappy job stuff you just dealt with—just your walks alone on those drab days are miraculous, right?
And I’m a huge believer in using the S.A.D. light – I’m using my old baby now, and it has never, ever made me hypomanic, even though (and I don’t recommend doing this) I used it for hours at a time, LOL!!!!
Anyway, I’m SUPER proud of you!!!!
Look – you’re being social with your friend. You can extra credit for that!
I’m optimistic for you———scratch the “cautious” part—–you’re doing a LOT of things despite not wanting to do them. That shows me you’re doing really well and you’re only going to feel better in terms of the inertia. Keep all this stuff up, girlfriend!
Love you, you little fiery peach!!!!!!!!
🔥👍🍊
Thanks DyDy!! I use my light for hours too and it has never made ME hypomanic. Thank you for your encouraging words, you are the best!!!
Ha! I just did a post myself about forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do, because, well, nobody’s going to do it for me. Good to know I’m not the only one who has to force myself to do stuff that needs doing. Keep on keepin’ on.
Oh! I have to go read it! Too awesome!!
You are so inspiring with your words of just act. I appreciate your blog very much. I feel the same stuck in mud during the winter. Keep trucking through. You inspire others.
EJ, thank you so much. I am bowled over at the suggestion that I am inspiring!! ❤ ❤ That is a wonderful thing to say. I feel like I am plodding through but somehow I want to share what I'm going through and sometimes what works for me 🙂
I call the inertia “stuck.” I’ll get stuck standing or sitting, not doing anything and unable to will myself to do anything. So I take baby steps. Walk to that spot. Pick up the thing. Do the thing. Walk to the next spot. Little things take forever to do, but that’s the way it is. It sounds like you’re on the right track and as always I’m rooting for you!!!
Thanks so much, Kristy. I am going to work on baby steps, like you say. Anyone can take baby steps, right? Thank you for rooting for me ❤ ❤ I appreciate you and your comments.
Have just discovered your blog and I love your voice and resilience! I need lessons in inertia management – I experience it whether I’m high or low! it totally confuses me…… it’s so helpful hearing voices from other people who experience the same. I’ve just started blogging after starting to read around other people’s blogs, and I hope I’ll have something to add to the conversation. I’m definitely following your blog from here on in – thanks!
Wow thank you so much for your very uplifting comments!!! And thank you for the follow! I went to your blog and followed you too 🙂
oh thanks so much – see you around!
For me, as a recovering addict, a 12 step meeting generally helps me huge. Getting up and out of the house to go to one is the hard part.
Good for you for overcoming inertia!
Getting out of the house IS the hard part for sure. I had considered going to MA, but the meetings are in the next town over and at the end of the day and realistically, with traffic and parking, I just can’t stomach it.
I appreciate your comments 🙂
Winter sucks!!! It literally sucks my mojo outta me every damn year, without fail!!!! Living in England doesn’t help the cause too much!!!
Winter DOES suck!!! Let’s all move to Florida for the winter!!! I did that one year, it was heaven.
That’s always been my dream!!! Damn VISA requirements, the US does not wants Brits! Professional or otherwise! 😩
The US is so fucked up right now due to our Shithole President. Hopefully he goes to jail soon.
Let’s hope so! It was funny in The Simpson’s episode, not so much in reality!!!
In reality it’s a nightmare that gets worse every day.
Every day I listen to the news and just think the man can’t get any more ridiculous/bigoted/offensive
And then… he does something WORSE!!!