SAD Doesn’t Get To Win!

You may have guessed from the title of this blog that I have Bipolar Disorder, but I also have been blessed (ha) with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  I get the Winter Blues, like, BAD!  One thing I think that characterizes depression, whether it’s seasonal or otherwise, is resistance.  I am so goddamn resistant to doing anything!  Make a plan.  I don’t want to go.  Make an appointment.  I don’t want to go.  Time to take a shower.  I don’t want to.  Do you see the pattern here?  Frankly, I exhaust myself.  When I start dealing with the “I don’t want to’s”, I have to employ the “Don’t think, just act” strategy.  I’m not sure where I got it, but it’s quite effective.  It takes the whole brain funk out of the equation.  Because really I have things I just have to do!  If I listened to the voice saying “I don’t want to”, I’d never get out of bed, shower, get dressed, or leave the house.  This is not a good survival strategy.  “I don’t want to” basically wants to kill me with inertia.

So despite not wanting to, I managed to get into the Medicaid mental health system this week, with a phone intake, then the next day a 2 1/2 hour assessment appointment, and then that same day I started a 90-minute group that lasts three weeks and is kind of an initial evaluation group.  I also walked every. Damn. Day. Which is sort of miraculous because there were some damned gloomy days last week.  I made it to Mom & Dad’s and did all sorts of work that I didn’t want to do (and that my poor back didn’t want to do) and then I went out to dinner with my sisters and sister-in-law.  All in all, I did a lot more than this depressed brain thought it was capable of.  I feel better than I did last week, although I’m definitely still depressed and I still think I need a Wellbutrin increase, but somehow I’m coping.

I have dinner plans tonight with a friend, and football plans tomorrow with family, so I consider my weekend to be full!  Somewhere in there I may make it to the grocery store even though I abhor spending money right now.  I am spending quality time with my therapy light every morning and that is helping too.  All in all, I feel cautiously optimistic.  I feel like I’m on the right track.  I hope you are all doing well, please let me know what how you are, and what works for you when you are depressed and stuck in the mud?  As always PEACH OUT!!

25 thoughts on “SAD Doesn’t Get To Win!

  1. sounds like you’re doing a LOT… its winter, we’re supposed to curl up and hibernate. 🙂 and you have just finished a full time work stint…bound to be some kick back..
    i’m going for as much staying indoors in pj’s as possible… and sleeping…recharging.. worrying a lot too…and making it to the gym when I can… just waiting to see what happens next..job finishes in 6 weeks.. and really not sure what i’m doing..but…have pulse 🙂 will survive

  2. I think you’re doing an absolutely amazing job in spite of the crazy crappy job stuff you just dealt with—just your walks alone on those drab days are miraculous, right?

    And I’m a huge believer in using the S.A.D. light – I’m using my old baby now, and it has never, ever made me hypomanic, even though (and I don’t recommend doing this) I used it for hours at a time, LOL!!!!

    Anyway, I’m SUPER proud of you!!!!
    Look – you’re being social with your friend. You can extra credit for that!

    I’m optimistic for you———scratch the “cautious” part—–you’re doing a LOT of things despite not wanting to do them. That shows me you’re doing really well and you’re only going to feel better in terms of the inertia. Keep all this stuff up, girlfriend!

    Love you, you little fiery peach!!!!!!!!

  3. Ha! I just did a post myself about forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do, because, well, nobody’s going to do it for me. Good to know I’m not the only one who has to force myself to do stuff that needs doing. Keep on keepin’ on.

  4. You are so inspiring with your words of just act. I appreciate your blog very much. I feel the same stuck in mud during the winter. Keep trucking through. You inspire others.

    • EJ, thank you so much. I am bowled over at the suggestion that I am inspiring!! ❤ ❤ That is a wonderful thing to say. I feel like I am plodding through but somehow I want to share what I'm going through and sometimes what works for me 🙂

  5. I call the inertia “stuck.” I’ll get stuck standing or sitting, not doing anything and unable to will myself to do anything. So I take baby steps. Walk to that spot. Pick up the thing. Do the thing. Walk to the next spot. Little things take forever to do, but that’s the way it is. It sounds like you’re on the right track and as always I’m rooting for you!!!

  6. Have just discovered your blog and I love your voice and resilience! I need lessons in inertia management – I experience it whether I’m high or low! it totally confuses me…… it’s so helpful hearing voices from other people who experience the same. I’ve just started blogging after starting to read around other people’s blogs, and I hope I’ll have something to add to the conversation. I’m definitely following your blog from here on in – thanks!

    • Getting out of the house IS the hard part for sure. I had considered going to MA, but the meetings are in the next town over and at the end of the day and realistically, with traffic and parking, I just can’t stomach it.

      I appreciate your comments 🙂

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