Today I set myself a goal of applying for five jobs. Unfortunately for me there were no Security jobs per se so I had to apply for four Desktop Support jobs and one job as a “Customer Success Engineer” with a Security company – I guess that’s sort of in the Security realm. I have applied to that company before and I didn’t get the second interview because I was kind of “meh” about working in a 24/7 environment. In reality, I don’t think I could work overnights. So hell. But here I go again applying to them because I WILL KEEP TRYING, DAMMIT!!!
I hate applying for Desktop Support jobs because you know I don’t want to do that work but the rent is coming out of my bank account today which will cut my bank balance practically in half. I will be lucky to have next month’s rent and even if I do, I will have zero money after that. Zero! So I am getting very willing to work, even in a job I don’t want. I have to work.
I guess applying to jobs = a will to live. I am still depressed but I am trying to do all the good things in spite of it, or I am trying to act like a person who is not depressed acts. So I am taking action as much as I can, trying to take good care of myself, trying to get a job, got food stamps, next step is to try for utility assistance, got free nicorette gum, so I will continue not smoking, going to group therapy today (walking there like a good little exerciser), seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow for hopefully an increase in my Wellbutrin, *gasp* ALL THE GOOD THINGS! It is exhausting taking positive action, but I know what to do when I’m sick, to get well. I’ve been here before. Action, action, and more action. And then, once in awhile, hide under the covers from it all. I did that the other day. Ok. That is my story for today. I hope you are having a good week. Peach out, friends!!